Grrl Power #893 – I’ma punch you so hard…
I would apologize for this page, but the middle two panels make me laugh every time.
People talk a bit talk about sticking a boot up someone’s ass so far they can taste leather, but you know what, if they actually did it, they’d probably freak out pretty hard.
- I’ll whoop your ass so fast if you blink you’ll die in the dark.
- I’ll knock your teeth so far down your throat the next time you sit on a bowl of milk duds you’ll have to be careful not to lose a filling! (<– This is a Sydney special)
- I’ll stick my foot so far up your ass, Red Foreman will be like “Yikes!”
- I will slap you so hard you’ll be able to get my fortune told. Cause… my handprint will be on your cheek, see?
- I will slap you so hard, you’ll be like “Hey, stop.”
What’s the best fight ridiculous threat you’ve heard?
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Me, threatening my kid: I’m gonna strap you to a ceiling fan and turn it on high. (Don’t worry, never really did it.)
“Calmed down yet?”
(with the individual dangling head first facing a one story drop to the ground below, and nothing but me to stop them going the rest of the way)
I haven’t heard any creative threats since I was a kid in real life. I find real people to be uncreative when it comes to actual fights.
but in fiction:
I will slaughter your soldiers,
seduce your women,
enslave the minds of your children,
and your descendants shall worship me as god almighty!
That does seem SLIGHTLY more eloquent than “I will kick your ass so hard that your vertibrae will pop out of your mouth one by one like a pez dispenser.”
on that visual,
“cross me again mortal and I will cast a spell that makes your bones twist themselves inside out”
My bro once said “Imma punch you into 1929!” That’s the best real life one I can think of.
Oh my! Mr. Broutte is having a wuss-storm over that punch! He might even pee his heart-covered panties like the antimacho he is.
…while Sydney will manage to notice a crucial detail and somehow tune out the main event.
Even Maxi is squeeged out by it, and she knows Morph’s power
Both Juggernot and Henchie have no idea and thought Henchie just inverted his head
Even Heatwave was ‘squeeged’ about it, and they’re in a committed relationship with each other. :)
I had a Great Uncle, short little Italian guy, that knocked another guy down in a bar-fight, grabbed both the guys ankles, put his foot on the guys crotch and told him, “Move and I’ll crush ’em.”
Not Faith—Hope.
I will reach down your throat, grab your ankles, and turn you inside out.
Wish I was making this one up:
“I’m gonna hit you so hard, you’re gonna fall down & go to sleep!”
Faith, gesturing threateningly with a mechanical human arm:
“Back off or I’ll shove this so far up your a** you’ll be able to nod and wave at the same time!”
*pause*
“Except most everyone can already nod and… Sparky, what’s spy policy when I flub a threat? Can I get a do-over?”
https://www.agirlandherfed.com/1.675.html
*Hope*, her name is Hope. Geez, I’ve been reading that for years, how did I mess that up?
My two favs, the first is actual from boot camp. The second is one I can’t recall the source but it always makes me laugh.
1) I’m gonna rip off your head and s*** down your throat.
2) Come back here you coward, I’m gonna bleed all over you!
“1) I’m gonna rip off your head and s*** down your throat.”
Seems that 1st one is from “Duke Nukem 3D” – https://youtu.be/hxtnCfmoVSE
“Full Metal Jacket” “You had best unf*** yourself or I will unscrew your head and sh** down your neck”. Won’t link to that one cause of all the language, apparently it’s not good for younger Humans…
…also used by Dan Acroyd in the movie Dr. Detroit.
#2 is from The Black Knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
“Go away or I shall taunt you a second time.” – In an outrageous French accent.
I kinda want to try that one out some time (also would rather not be in any situation that calls for trading insults), I figure either they’d be a Python fan and laugh (defusing the situation) or it’d be so weird they’d decide it’s not worth continuing.
annnnnd This is why you don’t punch the guy made of Rubber
She knew he could stretch his limbs, how was she to know the stretching extended to his skull bone?
besides one piece? that and blunt historically sucks for rubber foes so the idea of punching someone thats rubber wouldn’t hurt them?
Was One Piece out in 2011?
One piece was out in 2001.
Really? Popular in the West? Okay
yeah I think its over a thousand episodes at this point. I honestly stopped watching sometime around the time skip as it was clear this series had no end goal and was just padding the anime. Kind of like Pokémon. I wanted to see the treasure of one piece, the great mystery…and it just kept going and going and…well to be honest it was on tv at the time but started to change hands legally and moved around and I missed a few episodes and there was no online site to find the episodes at the time so I gave up…and now it feels daunting to try and catch back up like…to me Yu Yu Hakusho was a long series, Slayers was a long series *as a trilogy*, Dragon ball Z was a long series; One Piece dwarfs them. It would be like trying to figure out where I jumped off on Pokémon and trying to watch everything I missed…and considering there are people on youtube remarking how a half dozen or more seasons after I stopped watching remind them of their child hoods…well…not happening LoL and I could have sworn I stopped with One Piece around the same time…
Only heard of One Piece around five years or so ago
The popularity goes up and down, but it was definitely on American television (granted not a very good dub; 4kids) at the time *who also butchered some scenes like replacing cigarettes with suckers and bullets with suction cups type of stupidity. It was on Cartoon network’s Toonami line up when my nephew was a baby; and he has a kid of his own now; so yeah; its been going a pretty long time now.
If all else fails use horror.
If nothing else this may make him wander how well he can stretch some unexpected things. It seems his stretch power is the type flexed by “normal” muscle movement perhaps. Stretching out by performing regular movement only enhanced like trying to push your arms or legs out, twist and straighten your back or neck. Unlike Mr Fantastic who has total stretch of independent sections of his body.
Give him some ideas to try and focus on a few things like how far could he for instance push his stomach up , what is the stress limit to unfolding his insides to form wet fleshy sack protroducing from his mouth (if you unfolded your insides out your mouth you wouldn’t really see the organs except for under a membrane that holds it all together.
or push his eyes out, stretch his ears, twist his fingers backwards and fold up his hand to form a makeshift wrecking ball.
or just to freak people out a simple one, go total Venom with his tongue and stretch his jaw out wide to scare criminals into submission.
(which adds one other thought, how stretchy are his teeth? after all his bones are clearly stretchy no reason his teeth can’t stretch out too)
ect…
Some kid was being a rude lil git in a retro game store, i was playing pokemon red [gb] he called me old and told me to get with the times. I held out mu hand and asked for an original xbox. The dood at tge counter though my threat of asking for an xbox was hilarious. The kid didn’t get it.
I don’t get it and my first system was an Coleco Vision
(well technically my father’s, my first system I owned that was mine was an NES).
The original XBox had a reputation for being physically huge, as in “used as furniture” huge
Bigger than the current fridge?
First off….BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I laughed until I couldn’t breath. Best page ever!!!! As for the other thing, when I was growing up, my mother would say this…’Don’t make me hurt you, because if you make me hurt you, I will hurt you, and if I hurt you, it will hurt.’
1. I’ll hit you so hard it’ll knock out your ancestors.
2. I’ll slap you into next septober…. I like this one because it means that you’ll be so confused you won’t know the month.
3.kick your ass up between your shoulder blades.
4.I’ll just kick your ass up to your top since you like talking shit so much.
last but not least is one my grandma used.
5.I’d knock the crap out of you but there wouldn’t be anything left.
actually the Septober thing might just be a RIMWORLD reference as that is one of the months there as you dont get a full set but
“Decembary,” “Aprimay,” “Jugust,” and “Septober.”
Maybe. never even heard of rimworld before. is it an old comic book? I’m guessing from the fifties for it to be used in such an old piece of trash talk.
its a Computer game actually
a colony survival simulator you could say
but dont be suprised if people start talking about human leather cowbow hats and the like
taken out of context things sound bad and sometimes in context too
there is a reason why the subreddit r/ShitRimworldSays exists after akk
Ah. Then probably not what inspired the saying I heard. My grandma had been using that long before computers were around
“Lousy Smarch weather…”
That would be Guybrush Threepwood
“You fight like a cow.”
No offense to all cows and Them’s Fightin’ Herds
Aannnd that would be Henchie’s Gwen Stacey moment. Thankfully without serious repercussions.
I had a character in a supers game that was a bit odd.. Basically huge amounts of toughness, but bought with ‘no visible effect’, and with a power redirect towards his Presence. Basically, you could shoot him with a gun, and it would blow chunks off him, but he’d still keep coming. Half his head gone, and he’s not stopping. Huge hole through his ribcage. Nope, still going.
I’ll slap you so hard your kids will be born dizzy.
I’mma beat your like a government mule.
I’ll kick your ass so hard you can give yourself a prostate exam.
“I’m gonna watch her beat you cause, you know….I don’t miss a beat!
(Ba dum bum!)
I gotta say I sat here giggling for a sec after finishing this page this is funny as fuck
How long till Heatwave finds out she can make a hotaired balloon animal boy toy?
It’s been implied that she already knows.
“Can you stretch any part of your body like that?”
“Yes”
“Does Brook know how lucky she is???”
I mean, using her powers… to inflate him :)
Pro wrestler the Undertaker once used this one.
I’m gonna knock your teeth so far down your throat, you can chew your own ass out for pissing me off!
Dwayne Johnson to John Cena – I’m gonna knock your teeth so far down your throat you’ll have to unbuckle your belt to brush your teeth.
The Undertaker to Kurt Angle – I’m gonna knock your teeth so far down your throat you’ll be able to chew your own ass out for pissing me off.
(paraphrased in both cases but that’s about right)
Dang, it’s like those videos of pelicans yawning!
Back in high school, heard a PE Coach tell one of the students to stop with their BS, “or I’ll shove my foot so far up your ass, the sweat on my knee will quench your thirst.”
Your PE Coach was Major Payne? o_O
My Grandmother was fond of “I’m gonna rip your arm off and beat you to death with the bloody end of it.” She was great.
I have three favorites.
“I’m gonna cut your toes off, deep-fry them, and serve them to you in a gravy boat”
“I will steal all your toenails and put them in your cereal box”
“I’m going to steal your teeth in the night”
Imma go with a classic in black households. Normely done by the matriarch of the house hold.
Say one more thing. Say ONE more thing. I dare ya. Boy imma slap ya so hord the black will come off you ass.
This one saying has like 10 or more different variations.
“I’ll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain.” _Clarence Beeks, Trading Places.
I’m not reading 300+ comments to see if anyone already said these:
“I’m gonna dribble you up and down like a basketball!” (from my father)
“I’m gonna hit you so hard your children will be born bruised!” (from Tank Girl, I think)
“I’m gonna beat you till you can’t grow anymore!” (from Bill Cosby, maybe?)
I’ve been around a while – about half a century – so I’ve heard SO many good ones. But these are, if not the top 3, certainly the top 3 I can think of at the moment.
Oh yeah! One more: “I’m gonna grab both your ankles and make a wish!” ;-)
I’m a gona slap you so hard your colors are gong to taste funny.
I’m going to kick your ass so hard you will have to open your mouth to fart.
Henchwench the Mary Sue to action!
This comic has gotten unbelievably stupid and boring during last year.
You trolls can’t even keep who the Mary Sue is straight
Every new character (specially if they are female) who can last more than five seconds is labelled “Mary fucking Sue”!
So is this just a thing, are you from another competing comic. Its like every page now someone tries to claim a character is OP or a Mary Sue and such BS claim that clearly shows you don’t even read this comic.
one piece was out in 1999(anime), and in manga format 1997
“I will slap you so hard that when you wake up your clothes will be out of fashion.”
So piss off already. Nobody is going to miss your sorry ass.
You are completely and utterly irrelevant, killing you would be neither a service nor disservice to the world. I could kill you right now and leave your body in the middle of the street and at worst I’d be slapped with a fine for dumping trash.
my favorite is, “i’ll hit you so hard all the dishes in your house will break”
(paraphrased from an old outline and a reworked sequence)
You dare to bring harm to those who are precious to me?
Do you not realize I possess powers over life and death its self?
Anyone you harm, anyone you kill, I can revive.
As for you for daring to bring such suffering to those who are precious to me I shall visit such torment upon you that no mortal could trully comprehend it as I prevent your very soul from leaving your body and prevent your body from habituating to the pain. Then I will restore you piece by piece in fresh agony, and repeat the process again, and again, and again, and again; until I am either satisfied or grow bored of the sounds of your pitiful screams.
At which point and only then will I allow you to slip into the relatively peaceful embrace of Hell.
-Rhulan,
*to a demon threatning to kill her girlfriend.