Grrl Power #893 – I’ma punch you so hard…
I would apologize for this page, but the middle two panels make me laugh every time.
People talk a bit talk about sticking a boot up someone’s ass so far they can taste leather, but you know what, if they actually did it, they’d probably freak out pretty hard.
- I’ll whoop your ass so fast if you blink you’ll die in the dark.
- I’ll knock your teeth so far down your throat the next time you sit on a bowl of milk duds you’ll have to be careful not to lose a filling! (<– This is a Sydney special)
- I’ll stick my foot so far up your ass, Red Foreman will be like “Yikes!”
- I will slap you so hard you’ll be able to get my fortune told. Cause… my handprint will be on your cheek, see?
- I will slap you so hard, you’ll be like “Hey, stop.”
What’s the best fight ridiculous threat you’ve heard?
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Favorite ones that I remember from the old show “Welcome Back Kotter” Yes I’m old.
“I’m gonna remove your face and replace it with a TV Dinner.”
“I’m gonna remove your neck.”
“Who’s the first one that wants to lose control of his face?”
“Ever been Bar Mitzvahed with a hubcap?”
Great show. From memory….
You’re so low, you can play handball against the curb.
Your mama is so fat, she has her own zip code.
Your mama is so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house.
You’re so ugly, they had to put a pork chop around your neck to get the dog to play with you.
I thought that last one was a Rodney Dangerfield quote?
Full-Body Prolapse –
Felix Colgrave
Wow,….that’s taking a Donkey Punch to a new level.
favorite personal threat used: I’m gonna rip your head off, and then stump &@#% the ragged hole in your neck!
I’m gonna kick you in the balls so hard your kids’ll have my footprints on their foreheads.
Everything about this particular page just killed me lol
“I’m gonna punch you so hard in the teeth your ass will play piano”
Major Payne “I will put my foot so far up your ass the sweat from my knee will quench your thirst”
I once tried to get people to use “your mother’s so fat there’s more of her than there are yo’muma jokes.”
There was no uptake.
“I’m gonna rip your eyes from their sockets and force you to eat them!”
Actual boast made by one of my Rifts characters:
“There’s five of you and only one of me. You’ll win, no doubt, but I gotta ask. Which three of you am I taking down with me?”
not so much a fight threat, but I had a character once, who had a speech he made just prior to imminent bar room brawl (which for some reason happened often when they were on planet) (imagine soft spoken voice with southern drawl – misspellings intended for the accent):
“Now hold on a min’ y’all. There’s no need to resort to violance just yet. I have a proposal for y’all if ya just hear m’ out. These here are mah friends, and it appears you have offered them some insult or offense for which Ah must stand with them again’ you. However, if you were to offer them.. say… a round of beer, Ah would consider that a step of friendship in mah direction. And havin’ made that step, Ah would reciprocate and buy my friends (both new and old) a round of beer too. Then we would be all friends drinking together……. And when the conversation leads to it’s inevitable, but disappoint’n conclusion in violance. Ah will stand with ALL of my friends —> over there.. and cheer y’all on in your fervent discussion and defense of ideas.
So, what y’all say.. a couple beers and a stab at friendship…or do we start… BRAWLIN’ NOW?”
I swear they started those brawls just to hear the speech. (and ugh, new page started while I was typing this out.)
Do the words “BRAWLIN NOW” announce your friends throwing punches?
Or do they pause to take the pulse of the room and possibly get two free beers before the bar fight?
2 free beers of course. Helps with the pain afterwards. I forgot to mention the guy was 6’6″ 300#.
Babylon 5, when an Earthforce fleet is attacking, and suddenly a trio of Minbari ships lead by Delenn appears to protect B5, and she lays down a threat with malice previously unheard-of from her:
“Only one Earthforce captain has ever defeated a Minbari vessel. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else.”
They immediately turn and run.
That one is an absolute classic. Big kudos to the scriptwriter who came up with it, probably J. Michael.
Yea. B5 could be a bit hit and miss. But that was due to bold variety in scripts. When it hit though, it could hit really well.
*waves at a head on a spike*
Out of context: “What the F?”
Knowing the Exact scene: “F Yeah.”
*No hiding place down here!*
It was my favourite scene, not least because it aired when I was at GenCon UK. The rest of the place emptied and everyone clustered around TVs throughout the site. The reception to that wave was earth shattering! Thousands upon thousands of fans cheering in every building.
Gotta do just the right wave, too, with just the fingers.
My favorite?
‘When you build weapons, you build lots of little ones, a couple of dozen medium sized ones, a few large and one or two really REALLY big ones.’ -Lyta
‘That would make you the telepathic equivalent of an H-bomb or a doomsday weapon!’ – Michael
Pleased to meet you, Mr. Garabaldi.’ – Lyta
So, now I’m wondering; how flat could you squash Mr. Amorphous and still have him spring back?
he taught Wile e Coyote
I’m going to kick your ass so hard your spine will pop out of your mouth one vertebrae at a time like a pez dispenser.
(Yellowbeard) “Ill make yer eat yer own buttocks!”
So Brut is SO obviously about to fire Hench Wench, instantly depowering her.
Can he? Organized as they are, it may require a vote to fire her.
If one of them has veto power, that would do it.
Brut just stated the contract in such a way that any one of them could declare her in violation of the contract, and then it (potentially) ends.
She argued back that the contract doesn’t require her to surrender… but it probably also doesn’t allow her to keep fighting when ordered to “stand down”.
Given her power definition, she MUST be subject to each of their orders, or she can’t have each of their powers.
If she were a prescient lawyer, she would have written in some time period over which it lasts after termination, notification or dissolution, to let her use the powers to get away. Doubt she did, because rule of funny.
He could also “Quit” the organization, thus depriving her of stuper (yes, I used the word stuper) strength, high defenses, etc.
Now I am reminded of that scene from “Robocop” … https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=robocop+you%27re+fired&docid=607987058189927415&mid=85800FE4053AC32117AB85800FE4053AC32117AB&view=detail&FORM=VIRE
Flavor text from somewhere in Magic: The Gathering Puzzlequest. I don’t know if it’s in the physical game as I haven’t played that in over 20 years.
“There is no afterlife. Not for me and not for you. So consider that before you get in my way.”
My favorite is real simple: “YOUR head, in HIS ass.
Choo choo
That was from Hancock, wasn’t it?
I didn’t need to see that, does someone have spare eye bleach?
Snarf.
Panels 3, 5 and 6 are really great! Love the look you have going with that Hench Wench.
“I’m gonna hit you so hard, it’ll break your NAME!”
“Gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, you’re gonna brush yoru teeth with Dr. Schols!”
“I will hit you so hard, you’ll change species.”
“I will shove my my foot up your ass and kick rocks with your head!”
“I’ll strangle you to death with your own intestines.”
“I’ll be on you like white on rice, on a paper plate, in the middle of a blizzard.”
Oh and!
“I’ll slap you so hard, your children will be born cross eyed.”
i honestly did not understood any of those threats… maybe because English is not my first language?
also ew that was brutal to watch. probably way worse in real life textures
They don’t particularly make any more sense in English than they would when translated.
It’s more about the bravado of the claim, that one’s punch or kick is so powerful that impossible, magical, negative things will happen.
The more simple, concrete, short, and visual the threat, the more effective it is AS a threat.
“I’m going to tear your arm off and beat you to death with the bloody end.”
Alternately, the more abstract and impossible the threat, the funnier it is.
“I’m going to slap you so hard your children will be born cross-eyed.”
To sum up: Head + Ass + Foot = Threat
The best one I ever used was “I’ll rip your arm off and beat you with the bloody end until you like it”
I don’t know if it’s seen posted yet but here are the ones I liked.
I’m a slap you Silly!
I’m a hit you so hard your great grand kids will be born bruised!
I’m a slap you so hard your future generations will believe their welt is a birthmark!
And
That’s lower then a piss any under a shit pile
If Hench Wench is fired, wouldn’t she lose all her powers on the spot?
He didn’t say she was… yet.
And it will depend on the contract. Some contracts have residual rights and duties after termination.
But those wouldn’t be funny. I’d rather she tried to fly away and fell out of the sky into someone’s loving embrace. “Waughhhh!” as Sydney says so often.
>points laser at bad guy’s crotch. “This won’t kill you, but it will turn your nads into charcoal briquettes… so, do you wanna surrender before or after the pain?”
I’ll cut you so bad you’ll wish I hadn’t cut you so bad.
Later, at Archon HQ…
*GLOMP*
A: Whoa, Brook… I thought you needed time to process…
H: I did! Turns out, i think you’re even hotter now.
A: … Babe, I do NOT deserve you.
H: No, you don’t! *kisses him*
*whispers in ear* Do more weird things to me? ‘Stretch Daddy’?
(Scene ends there, but let’s just say Dabbler is in a VERY good mood for the rest of the day.)
Of course, over in the DC-verse, this is just an everyday sort of thing for Plastic Man.
Lord of the rings fanfiction, were a sergeant is berating his men right before they fight the orcs. “If you take as much as a single step backward, I’ll go down there and shove you so far up those goblins’ assholes, that they’ll have to start chewing!”
Ehm I believe the end-of-page comment should read heaD not heaT?
Agreed. Congratulations on discovering the Easter Egg. ;-)
Interesting that you are the only one to have picked that up. It surprised me seeing it still like that this far after the comic release (and a forced refresh not changing things).
Normally I leave typos as folks typically spot them fast and DaveB will correct the page within a few hours. I suspect that some others might have seen the odd word choice but wondered if it was intentional, as Heatwave features on the page. But contextually I can’t see it making sense.
So HW just made a lethal attack on someone who just happened to be able to take it. Is that manslaughter? She shouldn’t go around using powers she doesn’t understand and can’t control.
If she intended to smash his head like a cheap pinata, presumably she would be more startled and less horrified by what happened. It would be manslaughter if he _couldn’t_ take it.
Attempted manslaughter, means it would have been manslaughter if the victim hadn’t survived, or the attempt was on anyone else, like what Juggernot did with his grenades
“I’m gonna punch you so hard, even your grandkids will have migraines”
Imma kick you so hard in the cooch your children will be born bowlegged.
This was from a Bollywood movie(loosely translated): “I’m going to make so many holes in your body that you’ll get confused trying to figure out which one you use to breathe, and which one you use to fart with.”
One from my own mother, directed at myself: “I’m not going to knock you into next week. I’m going to knock you back 5 minutes, so I can hit you again!”
I saw the image, heard the sound effect in my head, and I am still laughing.
It’s been 3 hours.
My diaphram hurts. Send Help?
#1 I will kick you so hard that your nuts* will enter lunar orbit
* can be other body parts,
#2 If you call me fat one more time. I will jump off this chair and they can name the Earthquake after you.
#3 I will use you as a hand puppet.
#4 Chuck Noris will learn a lot from what I about to do to you.
#5 I will smack you so hard your grand children will feel the pain.
#6 The pain i will introduce you to, will bring the solar bodies to a halt.
#7 I will punch you so hard that you will enter mother womb again. (time travel)
#8 Oh lord give strength to NOT to break reallity with this guys face.
#9 Did you bring your passport?, for when you land you will need it. !
There was a character in a webcomic ‘Chronal boy’ (had time powers), he once Chronal punched a bad guy so hard, when the punch stopped traveling back through time it made the guy’s father impotent and retroactively caused him to never be born.
“I am going to rip your (arm or leg) off and beat you to death with the wet end.”
“I will rip your heart from your chest and hold it before you, so your dying eyes can watch it stop beating.”
;P