Grrl Power #893 – I’ma punch you so hard…
I would apologize for this page, but the middle two panels make me laugh every time.
People talk a bit talk about sticking a boot up someone’s ass so far they can taste leather, but you know what, if they actually did it, they’d probably freak out pretty hard.
- I’ll whoop your ass so fast if you blink you’ll die in the dark.
- I’ll knock your teeth so far down your throat the next time you sit on a bowl of milk duds you’ll have to be careful not to lose a filling! (<– This is a Sydney special)
- I’ll stick my foot so far up your ass, Red Foreman will be like “Yikes!”
- I will slap you so hard you’ll be able to get my fortune told. Cause… my handprint will be on your cheek, see?
- I will slap you so hard, you’ll be like “Hey, stop.”
What’s the best fight ridiculous threat you’ve heard?
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Yeah, these people are outclassed. It’s like one of those Rules of Anime,
‘Alien cultures that have destroyed 1,000 worlds meet their Waterloo when they come to Earth’
Others are
‘mortal wounds emit light’
‘The two foot tall wizzened old guy is extremely dangerous’
‘The human body contains nine cubic meters of blood’
‘Everything explodes’
and my favorite
‘The sword is the coolest weapon’
Yeah, swords are cool. (speaking as someone who studied several styles including bat’leh!)
UNTIL you have to clean up the blood and severed body parts. Then they are slightly less cool. Still cool, but slightly less. Conan never has to clean up after himself, for obvious reasons. (Are YOU going to make him pick up after his ‘fun’?)
From the description and experience of my friend, a police detective:
Human body contains only few liters of blood, yes, but you would be surprised how much that is and how little you need to get blood everywhere.
To quote Willie Garvin: “A little blood goes a long way.”
To quote Lady Macbeth: “Who would have thought the old man to have so much blood in him?”
Oh and it is bright red when fresh, but turns muddy brown lumps in an amber solid when congealed and baked to any significant degree when in bulk as opposed to a fine spray. I work at a blood products pharmaceutical company for a few years and leaks, blown pressure seals and spills happen. Carrie has nothing on when a CIPSIP system over-pressures and there is still product in the tank.
THAT is a cool threat.
Anti-Hero (calmly): “The human body contains nine cubic meters of blood.”
Opponent (momentarily baffled… but clearly squicked out… and involuntarily begins to back… slowly… away…)
“I’ve measured it.”
Opponent (turns and runs)
Anti-hero (to self) “Or is it liters? About a quart, right?”
The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.
I bet dabbler can do it faster ;)
“… because we weirded them out” is a little unusual. Its normally the common-cold that get them ;)
Here’s one from Zaphod Beeblebrox when speaking to Eddie the computer on board the ship Heart of Gold:
“I’m going to get a very large axe, go to your memory banks and give you a programming you’ll never forget.”
Scenes like panel 5 are why I love this comic.
It is honestly the grossest scene that could be drawn sgort of the graphic exploson of Mr. Amorpus’s head into bone, brain matter & Viscera.
It’s stomach churning with how well it is done no matter how many times I see it, and shows the high level of skill Dave has in drawing.
“sqort” – such an accurate and descriptive typo.
Bravo!
I can totally see Achilles saying “Hey, next time they punch thru your head from behind just catch their arm with your teeth.”
Anyone else instantly think of that scene in Beetlejuice? The one where the two ghosts made themselves ‘scary’ by doing horrible things to their face and head with their hands?
And my favorite “I’m gonna ___ so hard” was from Major Payne.
“I’m gonna put my foot so far up your ass the water on my knee will quench your thirst.”
“Want me to show you a little trick to take your mind of that pain? Give me your finger.”
Ahhh Major Payne, such a brilliant movie.
The Beetlejuice scene was the first thing that popped to mind.
Thank you for the laughs man. I missed them. Life’s been shit lately, especially with 2020’s cavalcade of seemingly constant ‘It Gets Worse’ interruptions.
Now, was that capability a secret? And Heatwave didn’t know?
You’d think Mr Amorphous would have experimented when he realised he could stretch like Reed Richards.
If not him, the people at Archon would have thought that up, imho.
And of course training ‘accidents’, ‘let’s see how far you can stretch your lip over your head, now do it with….’
There’s a difference between doing it yourself and having it done to you from behind.
In a movie, they’d have given it at least one beat before his head stopped vibrating.
Similar in character to Men in Black: J blows off the head of Jack Jeebs, K reacts, then the head grows back and says “You have any idea how much that stings?”
“That grows back?”
Fairly sure it was K who blew the head off, MiB:II, before K got his full memories back
No, the first MiB. He sold a weapon to an unlicensed cephalopod.
Heatwave may take some time dealing with it. Hench Wench looke like she needs a LOT of time dealing with that. Even Max looks like that just wasn’t right.
I wonder what the benefits are like for her LLC? Do they include psychiatrist visits? (She will need them!)
She *expected* his head to explode in a spray of blood, brains and pieces of skull but *THIS* freaks her out?
No, she expected tough mister clay guy to take a punch to the back of the head and fall unconscious. So this was beyond her parameters in both ways.
We hope she was aiming to simply knock him out…
And this is how Hench Wench was captured: She couldn’t run away because she was too busy throwing up.
From now on she’ll be known as “Retch Wench.”
Yes, those panels made me laugh as well :D
Love the look on Heatwave’s face in the final panel ;)
“Are you allergic to nuts? Cause I’m gonna kick yours up into your throat.”
“I’m gonna hit you so hard, your head is gonna spin for a week…”
“I’m gonna knock you into next week…”
https://i.redd.it/c7fyl928vp141.jpg
Okay, that’s two perps going in the “Permanent: Do Not Release!” cells, on account how they both tried to moiderize a (separate) federal agent
That’s no grounds for a life sentence, but also far from punishment free.
That’s if their lawyers don’t pull a “My client knew they were fighting supers with extended durability, so my clients didn’t intend or come close to kill the accuser.”
Especially hench whenche’s lawyer can reduce her sentence extremely with that.
Sure assaulting a federal agent, resisting arrest, theft and criminal conspiracy aren’t peanuts, but not attempted murder.
Since ARCHON went largely public with their powersets with a press conference, fairly easy for a defense lawyer to claim ‘my client knew that wouldn’t kill him/her’.
Umm, fairly sure their exact powersets are still a secret
That’s like the JLA releasing a statement that Green Lantern is weak to the colour yellow: and every villain or thug starts carrying bananas or a yellow stress ball
Juggernot still used grenades, and Henchie punched Morph hard enough to invert his skull
Their exact power sets aren’t what is needed for this defense. Both Maxima and mr. A have a power set that’s a lot bigger than only super durability.
Brüt used grenades against somebody who had shown on national television to be able to handle it, yet it’s still assault with a deadly weapon.
Hench Whench super punched somebody who got life reported while getting super punched multiple times(Vehemence fight). Whether this is assault of a deadly weapon still has to be seen. There have been people convicted for assault with a deadly weapon for bleeding and spitting on people, while they had HIV, but here everybody knows it is not deadly and they’re punching each other like every bar brawl.
Inverting mr. A’s skull is a lot easier than yours or mine.
The tricky thing is any lawyer attempting to pull that off and succeeding will be on the watch list as will the judge for either being that persuasive or corrupt respectively.
Mind you if supers and feds are involved they should be in a federal court specialized in dealing with supers.
Anything else would be stupid and open to abuse. Mind you the court system has not been known for sober thought or any thought for that mater when ridiculously large sums of money are involved.
There’re full lawyer firms that handle larger cases par day.
The higher end of the coöperal cases laughs at what is happening here.
In basically all organized crime cases is more money involved.
Most cases with with famous people contain comparable amounts of money.
Max is rich, but not richer than a full cooperation(proven by her talk with Deus about a possible job).
… Well, I think it’s safe to say everyone is traumatized by that to some extent. It does pose a lot of interesting questions about his physical capabilities though. …. Can he squeeze himself through openings like an octopus? Do his bones even matter at all? So many questions….
Yeah, this could really open up his potential.
Also, we need Sydney to suggest this, as this kind of thing is actually written into her Bio.
I’d imagine it’s unlikly he could squeeze himself through an opening like an octopus. But I bet someone else who’s strong enough could squeese him through an opening like an octopus!
Depends on what goes through the whole first: if he pushes his arm through, he could potentially pull the rest through
We need an Acme steamroller!
I’m curious about how Hench Wench’s top keeps changing. Two pages ago the first panel we get a good look at her she’s showing no cleavage. Then she suddenly is showing cleavage. On today’s page she continues showing cleavage, but the cut oh her top changes from one panel to the next.
Comic book world, continuity issue, fan serviceable angle.. The same two pages ago you reference show both no cleavage and cleavage. I’m more worried about the fact her top turns from O to V to U form…
I say it’s alive, and it’s another henchy doing that which shall not be done (specially not in close proximity to Maxima)
I forgot to say, those angles are sometimes in opposition to what you would expect given the angle at which we’re looking at her; I would expect way for visibility from the top down angles and a lot less from the forward and down top angles … but hey, fan service!
on her top. unbeknownst to us all, One of the lawyers for the LLC is a succubus, and because of the corporate structures involved, Hench Wench has a small amount of the glamor power. unfortunately for her its involuntary and random. (the succubus flips in and out of that charge code)
yo first off, I love your name dude. Second I have your answer. It’s her boobs. She’s wearing a shirt with a u shaped cleavage (think like what Tifa from final fantasy wears) and her boobs moving about is what’s changing how the cleavage looks.
Yeah, she’s got a lot upstairs and the different angles, it’s just a natural result of all that mass shifting back and forth, up and down, around and around, all at once as she twists about in combat. It’s like the artist actually studied female anatomy in motion, at a strip club. Lol, it’s also how ya know she didn’t have a boob job, fake boobs wouldn’t shift around like that, hahahaha.
Last page she’s leaning back, which makes cleavage less visible. Upper image she’s leaning forward, which would make the neckline drop (but not that much). Last image she’s punching. If she’s jabbing from the hip, and putting her shoulder into it, then her chest would move up and out (to both her shoulders) stretching the neck in a u shape. The only thing that’s unbelievable is it suddenly having a V neck, if it had a slight curve it’d be fine.
So just wondering – if Brut (with umlauts!) had the authority to FIRE Hench Wench, would she instantly lose her powers?
Unless there’s a clause in it that says that she’s hired per day, so that they’re stuck with her.
My thoughts exactly!
Max to Brut: Fire Hench Wench NOW, or say goodbye to your two friends.
Brut: Hench Wench, you’re fired!
Hench Wench in middle of speed maneuver: NOOOoooooo! Ow. Ow. Ow.
Good gawd, this is probably the closest one to what if Plastic Man entered the Injustice: Gods Among Us and/or Mortal Kombat game
Man, just half the things Flashpoint Plastic Man does…
Well Supers once said that Plastic Man is potentially one of the most powerful/dangerous people he’s met.
Ugh. Supes.
I thought it was Batman who said that? And also said he recruited Plastic Man just in case they needed someone who could take down the Martian Manhunter.
…Actually, I think they both said it. Superman said it in the Injustice storyline; Batman said it in one of the canon timelines.
Either way, only reason he isn’t is his brain is on a permanent acid trip.
Isn’t Mannie vulnerable to fire? Or did they remove that?
Hmm, the tabs and the Who’s Who isn’t showing, even after loading the comments…
Not showing for me either
You know…
The people who say such things are rarely the ones who have seen it done or done it.
For good reason! (Please don’t ask!)
I’m going to hit you so hard Chuck Norris will be impressed.
My favourite came from Terry Pratchett’s “Monstrous Regiment”. Wording may be slightly incorrect though (working from memory).
“I’ll beat seven kinds of sh!t out of you. Which will be impressive because I’ve only found five kinds of sh!t so far.”
“I think there’s no rule to stop me beating seven kinds of cr-p out of you until you tell me why you came here and when the rest of your mates are going to arrive. And that may take me some time, sir, because up until now I’ve only ever discovered five types of cr-p.”
On my oath, sir, I am not a violent man.
Pratchett had more of those veiled threats that worked out pretty well.
I think it was “Men at Arms” where Carrot was sent to investigate the assassins guild and informed lord Downey (head assassin) that if he wasn’t allowed to enter and do the research, he would regrettably have to follow the order given to him by Sam Vimes. He was allowed to enter with no fuss.
(Explanation, Carrot is about 6 feet tall, and just as wide, raised as a dwarf and perfectly honest, it works. The order: “Don’t make a fuss and get back to the police station if they won’t allow you to enter”).
BoopBoop!
Was to enter the fools guild, which was right next to the assassins guild, and the order was given by Sergeant Colon, who was deathly afraid of the head fool, if more so then the head assassin!
The only reason i know this is cause i listened to the audio book last night!
“I’m going to stick that phone up your ass and turn it sideways.” This is a promise I made to aomeone who’s bugging my wife.
Managed to defuse (not ‘diffuse’, that’s bad english) a situation with two aggressive individuals…
by telling the smaller mouthpiece:
“I’ve gone over bigger thanyou to get INTO a fight”
and when his oversized partner laughed, turning to him and saying:
“and I’ve gone over bigger than you to get OUT of one”
Could have been a bad day at the office, ended up one of the quieter ones.
Fresh Prison Meat (formerly known as “Henchie”) has interesting eyebrows
Yes, she clearly spent a lot of time making them evil, yet interesting.
Just want to ask if this page is what you had in mind when you named him “Mr. Amorphous”.
I mean, if there was a time in-comic when that name was made justice, it’s this page.
another old standard was “the last guy that tried that would have been 35 tomorrow”
“I’m going to hit you so hard, your children will be born bruised” -Tank Girl (movie)
I knew someone would know that one :D
I also like “I’m going to hit so hard, it’ll make your ancestors dizzy!” from Mulan
“I’m gonna rip your balls off. Starting with everything else.”
“I’ll stick my foot so far up your ass, that you’ll sneeze my toenails for a week”
If the guy say “you’re fired” will she become a normal human? Would be funny if he said it just as she’s about to get super punched and then she exploded all over the streets. Good luck with that one Ariana.
I guess it depends on the contract. Wich bring the question, how do you get legal papers when you are an illegal organisation? I know most big companies are shady, but now we are talking openly brawling with authorities.
Ask the “Hell’s Angels”, or any one of the many MC Gangs
It’s simply a matter of filling in the paperwork. For Incorporation you don’t need to list WHAT you’re doing, just names and positions. Since they’re mercs, they probably don’t even have records (yet).
Part of me was hoping for a The Mask vs Kablamus. At one point in the fight The Mask bounces away in a tiny plane saying I think it was (this was years ago) “April day, may day” https://villains.fandom.com/wiki/Kablamus
Body horror potential? Then again, Reed Richards goes through this (and worse) every now and again.
The Northern English like to say things like “I’m going to kick your head in,” “I’m going to beat the snot out of you,” “I’m going to beat seven shades of **** out of you,” and “I’m going to beat you to Kingdom Come and back again.”
The first three will generally cause a mess of varying degrees of disgustingness (****, let’s just say that “Poop” and leave it at that), and the last one would probably involve Religious-themed Time Travel.
Best banter I’ve come up with was
“I’m going to clean your clock like the godamned swiss.”
“You can get more with a kind word and a two by four, than you will with just a kind word.”
Ah, Marcus. Such a kind soul….once he gets an answer. So generous. Just don’t ask him for a broken heart…..
I’m gonna kick you so far up your ass, it’s going to come out of your mouth.
This might become a reality in this webcomic
“I will kick your ass so hard you will be using your cheeks for earmuffs!”
My biggest thing here for me is how she put any force behind that punch.
In order to put any force from her position in panel 3 to panel 4 she would have to rotate her body and use her right not her left. But that would basically obscure her frontal features. .. So I guess we just have to accept a bit of artistic freedom here and assume she has so much power that even a weak punch is very powerfull.
Looking at it, it looks like she has some minor super-speed going on between panels there. She steps past Amorphous as she avoids his grasp, then turns around and delivers a straight-arm palm-strike to the back of his head so hard it becomes the front of his head.
To some extent super strength IS super speed, because you’ve got more force to push your body around. In fact, with punches, it’s only the speed that keeps it from being a mere shove.
The Hulk can run at incredibly high speeds
“let nothing stop you but fear and common sense”
Unfortunately he’s not afraid of anything, because he has no common sense.
Please please do not conflate common sense with good sense.
Common sense is what the majority assume is the right thing to do as opposed to the right thing to do.
I’ve got a few.
“I’m gonna hit you so hard, you’ll wake up last week.”
“I’m about to smack you so hard you’re gonna find a new fetish.”
“I’m gonna wear you like a muppet.”
Not sure any of us wanted to see that
ok, questions. will somebody please focus on what’s important- cuff, restrain, knockout, arrest, or just stop that woman! before she compounds her stupidity again! and heatwave… just think instead of a funeral or a long vigil in a hospital bed, you get therapy. maybe even with nice sweets. (I’d suggest not trying the bowl of fireballs labeled ‘Sydney’ unless your powers extend to your tastebuds.)
Just remember, boys, girls, and whatevers, THIS is the guy Sydney took down at the very start of the comic after he clocked her with a gun.
In fairness to him, he was roleplaying a normie at the time, so he had to pretend that throwing him by his tongue counted as a finishing move.
People in that city are STILL talking about that whenever they see Syd on TV.