Grrl Power #892 – The most valuable hostage
For the record, I think Muppets were primarily felt overtop of foam, but I could be wrong about that.
I’m sure this is not recognized police procedure, but it turns out that blowing off Maxima’s clothes is a good way to really annoy her.
Mid-combat banter is a bad idea. Don’t take your eyes off the Apex superheroine while you introduce yourself, especially one with super speed. It’s all about timing.
This is another reason for Max to carry a gun. It would technically be far more dangerous for her to point a finger at the guy’s junk, or even grab it, but… it might convey the wrong message.
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Hate to be that guy but Mr. Amorphous does not look quite like his Who’s Who entry – I guess he can reshape himself, but his hair is a different color — was this intentional, @DaveB?
Mr. A’s profile picture is also very old, back when Dave’s art style was still early. His hair is still brown, it just has a lot more highlights to it now.
art evolution mostly and making the comic is more important then updating a profile pic for a somewhat minor character
You can see it with Heatwave, too. Her profile pic shows her with, what we call, a coinslot for a mouth. Her appearance improved as well over time.
(this sounds so much harsher than I thought in respect to the early arts. I would’ve drawn stick figures and still suck at it so far be it from me to make any of this sound like criticism)
heck Max her self has it too look at the jaw and cheekbones
New shampoo. It really brings out his highlights.
You managed that without a stretch.
*wink*
Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum
If this is *not* a Discworld reference, I’ll eat two of C.M.O.T. Dibbler’s sausages inna bun.
Without mustard.
Translates as “when you have their full attention in your hand”.
Technically speaking, from a Latin stand point it’s a string of nonsense, as cuius is an interrogative pronoun carrying general meaning of who or what, but testiculos habes is “you hold the testicles” as habes is the second person (active indicative for those grading for completion) form, meaning that first clause is a nonsensical construction. I assume the interrogative pronoun was intended to be when, which would be cum or quom. To an english speaking audience cum would be preferred because it is funnier in context.
Meanwhile in the second clause cardia is not actually a word in latin, but it is rather apparent that it was supposed to be “heart” which would use cor, cordis, which when put into the accusative (as opposed to the ablative which is what cordia would be) is cordem. Cerebellum means brain, but I am assuming it was supposed to be mind, which I would translate as “animum” (because it’s accusative) which carries a bit more of a meaning of “soul” than mind, but more accurately carries what we mean by mind in modern english (the seat of consciousness that isn’t necessarily physically nested in the brain).
All of this said, I am assuming the english message was supposed to be along the lines of “when you hold the testicles (in your hand), you hold the heart and mind (soul?).” I would translate that into Latin as either “cum testiculos habes, habeas cordem et animum” or “cum testiculos habes, habeas cordem animumque” if I was feeling spicy, as the -que suffix can be added to the second conjuct of an “and” construction instead of placing “et” between the two conjuncts. Et would be more clear about the intended message to modern folks who haven’t necessarily studied Latin, but might otherwise be aware that “et” is “and,” however the -que suffix is, IMO, more fun to say, and it adds an extra layer of gravitas, as it’s more likely to be the “and” used in a motto put into Latin, and I find it funnier this way.
Terry Pratchett Translated the comment himself. It was supposed to be funny but you ruined that.
Maybe he was making an additional joke by intentionally translating incorrectly?
Morporkian is not exactly like latin, its incorrectness is commented on at times.
Look! An ‘Ackchyually’ response.
I took Latin in highschool and college, but I know better than to do this.
From what little I remember of Seneca and Cicero, I propose something like “coleis, cordem animumque tenes”
Look, it is from the Discworld, I don’t think discworld ever had ‘latin’ or ‘romans’ or things like that.
It is probable in Ancient Genuan or old Omnian or some other dead language, similiarity to this Latin language is probably a coincidence.
Small Gods, which Pratchett translated as “When you have their full attention in your grip, their hearts and minds will follow.” which was fair since he had the eagle by the balls. I’d be inclined to follow direction too ignoring the anatomical impossibility of the scene.
Interestingly the original source is probably Chuck Colson to whom it’s attributed, Nixon’s counsel during Watergate.
“When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.” My Latin id a bit rusty, but I didn’t even need to use Google on that one.
This made me laugh so hard my dog thought I was having a seizure.
This is the closest intended translation. It predates Nixon, you need to go back to JFK and the formation of the Unconventional Warfare School (originally under CIA chain of command) for the Army. It became an unofficial motto of the Special Forces, whose official motto is “De Oppresso Liber” and the first stage of the Vietnam campaign or the French/Indonesian campaign as it was originally known used it for a motto- it was unofficially the “hearts and minds campaign”
For everyone arguing over the Latin phrasing, it’s a Nixon-era line:
“When you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow” translated into Latin, presumably through Google Translate or similar.
I translated it FROM Latin using Google Translator…
“Of which the testicles that you have, you may have the cardiac and the cerebellum and”
That is literally what it gave me, copy & pasted. Hmmm…
“Oh I’m sorry did I break your concentration?”
I read that in Samuel L. Jackson’s voice without thinking. Such a memorable movie.
The correct response is to make him say she’s fired!
and now she lost her extra powers….
The problem with “You’re Fired!” is we don’t know whether he’s a majority shareholder of the LLC. Depending on the exact wording of the contract, he’s probably not able to cancel without the assent of at least some of the others (if there’s only 2 members in the LLC, each with equal shares, there may be a problem; it’s usually a good idea to have a tiebreaker mechanism).
He can of course withdraw from the LLC, robbing Hench Wench of the the ability to copy his considerable powers but saving what he values more.
What he did in the last panel is supervising an employee, well within his normal scope of authority, and doubtlessly he’s hoping she accepts supervision. If she refuses to stand down, and thereby breaches the contract, that might allow one member of the LLC to immediately cancel the contract.
The problem then becomes whether her superpower recognizes his authority to do so. In some ways, the mechanism of the copying power may be less sophisticated than the mechanism of figuring out the relevant contract law ;-)
So, would firing Hench Wench rob her of all her powers?
that seems to be the implication that she doesn’t get to keep any after.
Just realized he doesn’t wear a neck thingie.
The male members of Archon tend to have a too-thick neck for the chokers, there are a few exceptions (they also tend to have plain chokers, they don’t get fancy emblematic ones like the girls do)
Fun fact, outside the english speaking world the muppet cooks is sometimes danish, sometimes japanese and sometimes texan.
Now I really want to see the Texan chef. I imagine he sounds like yosamite Sam during a rage.
Brits make him sound like Gordon Ramsey on a bender. Cause they’re british.
When has the Swedish Chef ever swore or even been angry? o_O
What languages have the “Texan” Chef? I want to look them up………….
And send them to my friends in Texas.
The Swedes call him The Norwegian Chef
That laser sight seems a tad in accurate at extreme close range. XD
Probably set to take bullet drop into account at longer range. That does appear to be a shotgun, after all.
As remarked back when her gun first showed it. It fires .577 t-rex rounds.
Perhaps, but it still looks cool. It even makes a pretty line in the air even though there don’t seem to be much dust or fog there. Gadgets like this is one of the perks of being a super.
That’s actually realistic. Green (532 nm) lasers scatter off air molecules (through Rayleigh scattering), no dust or fog required.
Red lasers are invisible to the human eye until they hit something (like the final target, or smoke/mist/dust in the air. Green lasers are visible to the human eye and look like a solid line of colour from source to destination, which is why they are usually not used as weapon sites because they show your target exactly where you are. This is not a real concern for Max because she isn’t exactly a stealth combatant.
Since Max uses her gun more for intimidation factor as she explained earlier, having a more threatening looking weapon works in her favor, and her reflexes are so high that it’s all that the sight is really there for.
what about a blue laser
She did, it got blown off with much of her clothes.
So here’s a thought.
What would happen if Varia hired Hench Wench and they held hands? Feedback?
Better yet, what if they both bumped shoulders with Sydney and the theory Varia can use the Orbs is true?
6/7 orbs at once!
Good thought.
They would both get whatever bonus power Varia manifested. Plus Hench Wench would get a synergistic power off Varia (but which Varia would not automatically duplicate, unless her bonus power was some kind of variant on Hench Wench’s).
Your orb logic works fine.
This may have been brought up already, but does it seem unusual that Max’s choice of sidearm is what appears to be an incredibly-short-barreled shotgun (a custom job, no doubt) with a chin laser sight?
And if it’s a pump action, it looks like the slide is open based on how far to the rear that bottom assembly is.
Granted, we don’t come here for gun porn, but Dave did such a great job rendering ARC-Swat’s Five-seveN handguns, and now I’m baffled by this weapon of Max’s. I can’t figure out *what* it’s meant to be.
In a previous one Dave said “.577 round” No clue there the magazine would be nor how many rounds it would hold.
We’ve seen it before. It’s a single-shot muzzle-break cannon.
Look up .577 Snider. It’s an obsolete cartridge but for the way that Max uses her hand cannon it would probably be the most efficient. There is also a .577 Tyrannosaur. This cartridge has the distinction of possessing the heaviest free recoil of all commercially available, shoulder-fired weapons. Max could handle the recoil but it would lose a low of power firing from a relatively short barrel. Even then it would be way overpowered for the circumstance where Max would use it.
If Maxima wants to kill someone, she can hit them with an insanely overpowered fireball. The purpose of this gun is to intimidate people, so being big and dangerous-looking is far more important than being effective.
Fairly sure DaveB called it a custom .577 Tyrannosaur
He debated on whether to give it a magazine (or clip or whatever the fuck the bullets go into before going into the weapon, don’t care what it’s called, most people are smart enough to know what you are talking about), but then figured she was fast enough to have it be a single-shot
It’s a custom-made beastie, specifically designed for intimidation as much as firing (if not more so). Single-shot break-action, because Max’s fingers are faster than any mechanical loader. The barrel hinge is at the front of the bottom assembly, just above the laser; the ‘beard’ in front of that is a counterweight to balance the barrel. Massive trigger pull strength, as a safeguard against anyone else being able to fire it. DaveB posted a link to a design sketch, sometime back in the first day of in-comic time, but I don’t have the reference to hand.
Does that mean Hench Wench looses all her powers if her boss(es) shouts: “You are fired!” ?
She’d have trouble using all those borrowed superpowers anyway – unless she has gotten months of training beforehand.
(And would she get all the weaknesses of her boss(es) too? Does she get more stupid if her boss is dumb?)
I would imagine any weakness inherently baked into the powerset as a drawback would transfer over, yes, but a weakness of the individual carrying the powers would probably not.
So if someone has super strength and happens to be dumb (a common combination in comics, I’d say), then she would get the strength but not the nerf to intellect (if I’m interpreting her powers correctly).
On the other hand, if the super strength game with an inherent nerf to intellect, most likely as part of a sliding scale type power, like “I can go from this strong to THIS strong, but the stronger I get the dumber I am” then I’d say the nerf to intellect would carry over with the buff to strength, as the power would function the same. That said, if she was unfamiliar with how to move the slider between min str, max int, and max str, min int it might be stuck in whatever position is the default, which might be whatever position the boss had it in when they hired her.
I imagine Hench Wench’s contract involves a difficult and extended process to fire her. I mean, if that was your super power wouldn’t you become an employment law expert?
She seems a little uh… well, a little loony to be that sensible.
That could be a side effect of the number of powers she’s utilising, you might be a bit loopy too if you had conflicting abilities or the like in your make up.
She was smart enough to have them form an L.L.C. prior to contracting her
“Surprise! The check bounced!”
Is there a part of your body you’d be OK with having a Tyrannosaur pointed at? Either kind, really. I can’t think of one.
Depends what kind of invulnerability you have, and if it’s on a slider. Or localized in some way.
I bet even Achilles will be a bit wary about her aiming it THERE.
Yes, he knows is can’t hurt him. Is he TOTALLY sure?
Um…
He can still feel things, and probably remembers what getting hit down there felt like, before his powers kicked in
He shrugged off the shot to the kneecap, even if it was painful. So as far as ‘places I’d rather get shot’, there’s certainly worse places to be hit than others. I don’t think I’d be too worried about a center of mass shot if I were him, for example, or if I took the shot in the shoulder or arm, at least as built as his arms are. For that matter, if it was merely painful and not actually damaging, taking a shot to the knee again wouldn’t be the worst.
Where she is currently aiming? Probably the worst, or at best second-worse (wouldn’t want to have that muzzle shoved in my eye socket either) place for it to be aimed.
He is invulnerable, not impervious, which means that the shot, even there at that range, won’t damage him but he will still feel it
The Muppets were/are made of foam WITH felt coverings.
The original Kermit( 1955) is in the Smithsonian made from an old green coat and Ping pong balls for eyes.
Thought their bodies were filled with stuffing (not turkey stuffing, the same fluffy stuffing teddy bears are filled with), at least, the ones in that episode of “Angel” were
Panel 6, somehow i got a very NSFW impression of it from 2 half glances before actually getting to the panel.
Very glad the gun is pointing AT the groin and not the reverse, mebee put a tiny gap between the weapon and target in the future for my personal sanity? Please?
XD
I feel this is a fine opportunity for a line about “discharging his weapon” but I’m afraid the joke’s not of a sufficiently high caliber.
Aiming from that short a distance wouldn’t really lose all of the extra power though, since it’s definitely close enough for the muzzle flash to scorch the target. That might even be an intentional use of the gun at short range with a blank.
At that range, you’d also have burn from the muzzle flash.
Is this Hench Wench’s first appearance or has she appeared early on!?
This is her first appearance, and only the third page she’s appeared on.
Hi DaveB
You may want to update the side links. I was checking out some of the recommended webcomics and now “Action Time Buddies” just goes to a random phishing site
cheers
Today’s comic reminds me of an old joke that date’s back at least as far as my high school days:
If you’re holding a green ball in your left hand & another green ball in your right hand, what have you got?
…
Kermit’s the frog’s undivided attention.
I felt that.
Total control of the Jolly Green Giant.
It makes one wonder why no one has tried this on the Incredible Hulk?
I believe somebody did. He was posthumously renamed ‘wishbone’.
A webcomic that respects ümlauts! Yay!
A long repressed minority. Long overdue their liberation and rightful representation!
Shame about the weird symbols over the “u” though, my paws don’t know how to type that.
Just use the key right of „P“ on a german keyboard. But don’t hurt your teeth, when you drag the keyboard home.
Just for info, this is the XKCD translation of your comment:
I do actually have acute toothache at the moment, and am scheduled to have root canal work done on Monday. So your sentiment is appreciated.
Mmm, looks like my previous reply did not post. I will skip fancy formatting and just mention that this is what your comment looks like using XKCD logic (and the relevant app):
“Just use the key right of „P“ on a german leopard. But don’t hurt your teeth, when you drag the leopard home.”
As I am suffering acute toothache, and have root canal surgery scheduled for first thing Monday, your sentiments are appreciated!
And then I get it repeated. And that having left the page twice, to make comments on other pages, before giving up on my initial reply.
*sigh*
But I may as well link the reference, just in case there is a single person on Earth who is not already an XKCD fan.
https://xkcd.com/1031/
Thanks, My week has to be rescheduled now.
XKCD can be a worse time-sink than the TV Tropes website…But at least you can learn some real-world practical information along the way.
Other than pointing at it or grabbing the junk conveying the wrong message, by the looks of it, her hand wouldn’t even be big enough to actually grab it. :’)
Nah, she could easily fit her hand around him. But he really wouldn’t want her to.
Looks like well equipped male supers are the norm in this story.
Not just the norm, but canon. Supers, for unknown reasons, tend to be hyperdeveloped human images, with all sexual structures amplified toward the excessive ideal.
At one point early on, Sydney cracked a joke about “vagoos of holding.”
Makes me wonder what Super-Tilda Swinton would look like, as she’s very beautiful, but in a somewhat androgynous way.
And has been cast that way, in more than one movie. The angel in Constantine being especially memorable, and appropriate.
She would probably be taller, that is common to most of the supers. Likewise she would not have to work out, or diet, to be in top athletic form. Other than that though, I suspect that she would pretty much be unchanged. The androgynous look is intrinsic to her character and appeal. So any enlargement of sexual characteristics would lessen her appeal, rather than enhance it.
While I agree on the appeal thing, the question is, are super beautified, or are they serialized? It’s not exactly the same thing. Pretty much every super we’ve seen is at least a bit sexually exaggerated, and in a obviously masculine/feminine way.
Sexualized, not serialized. Autocorrupt strikes again.
Harem is serialised. So is Math (999th in a line).
There are quite a few who are not. Shadow Boxer (especially after having his scrotum ruptured), Vance (his eight penisis are all average size), Dr. Chevapravatdumrong, various of the Patreon cameos (they retain their creator’s images, so are typical people, or at least conservative visualisations of heroic personas, rather than super extroverted like Dabbler), X and more.
But I have long held that it is cultural influences which may decide the form that supers take. A masai super is likely to be really really tall, even by super standards, for instance. Whereas Japan may well have several Sumo supers. A form that is much less likely to be seen amongst American supers. Their cultural psyche just does not project that as an ideal form.
So…many…wrong messages. I imagine at least one of those wrong messages would be if she pointed…and started to giggle.
And when Dabbler wakes up, Bench Wench if going to take regret that sucker punch.
Panel 6: Narrator – “It’s at this point Brüt realized… he fucked up.”
Not that it’s going to help him, but it sounds like he’s smart and wearing a cup.
Again, not going to help, but…..
Alternative to using the large caliber hand cannon:
Max grabs a guy by the scrotum, “Would you like to still have these tomorrow? If so, I recommend you surrender, now.”
(note she says “these” becuase the testes are in the scrotum, and Max could do a lot of damage if she had her hand on those… and while some might think being a smartass while Max has her hand there is a good idea, I am highly confident that they would be wrong)
Problem is, by physically grabbing him that way, she would be sexually assaulting him, and she would be arrested
Not likely in context. They are in a battle, he started it, and it is not for her sexual pleasure, so it probably fails to meet the statute.
Nonetheless, the gun is safer for all concerned.
is sexual assault a thing when in response to battery and attempted kidnapping? pretty sure that gets lumped into “self defense”
It’s only ‘self defense’ if they can prove that Maxi was in fear for her life (or modesty doesn’t count)
And it doesn’t matter if it is or is not for her pleasure: she would still be Maxi-handling her sexual organs
She could be charged with such if she did grabbed him there, which is probably why she threatened him with the firearm instead. She is supposed to be a cop, after all and cops have to be VERY careful about such, because everyone LOVES to sue cops. (And EMS and firefighters and ER nurses and…)
Even Superman has been known to shield his crotch in some cases. Super powered or no, males are going to be a bit leery about such things as a VERY large handgun aimed at the family jewels. Even if his wonderful underwear is armored, it is still gonna HURT.
Two words are kryptonite to Hench “You’re Fired”.
He he, yea.
A lot more significant than just the words and the lack of a paycheque.
Much like one of the Robocop movies climactic scene. Where Robocop had a program block preventing him from acting against executives of his controlling company. As soon as the mastermind villain lost that position though, he also lost his immunity to being arrested and/or shot.
So apparently Bru:t means “gross” in French/Turkish. Probably not intentional.
Or it might be.
‘Gross’ is not always an insult, is it?
Yeah, but I’m assuming this is more to do with a word for disgusting than for box-office/earnings before tax deductions.
I notice Mr. Amorphous seems to be covering his floppy bits in sympathy!
Hell yea. As would any guy who is not totally invulnerable!
Soooo… he named himself after a cheap cologne?
Kind of a disappointing ending.
Unless you happened to be shopping in Times Square, or a business owner or worker there. Anticlimactic is a good ending for a cop to achieve.
It may not attract a Hollywood movie. But it cuts down on the amount of time spent informing the loved ones of the deceased and injured.
Who said it was the end? The end of him, sure, but there is still Henchie and the flier to contend with, plus who ever else is part of the L.L.C.
And not to forget the ET’s that started this whole mess to begin with
I expect we’ll see Cora during this time was busy putting restraints on the alien mercs…possibly life support Brut *I don’t have umlauts on my keyboard” hit…that said that latest personal shield lost to this guy and his strength displayed is hard to tell if it is even about a C class *granted C class is pick up a car and chuck it twenty feet strong but still, its hard to judge strength vs shield with unknown upper limit and then set against an S class for whom C,B, and lower A class might as well be the same thing. But again any of those hitting someone without enhanced durability is looking at a good chance of death. *actually fun watch hunt down real doctor reacts to action scenes; just hearing their diagnosis of on sight trauma to people beat up by super heroes is incredible…
https://youtu.be/qBCDY5XhZng
Shooting a guy in the dick is weak.
Not shooting a guy in the dick is strong.
You saying Officer Murphy is weak? o_O
He neither killed his enemy, by that act, nor subdued a foe without harm. In fact what he did was cause great suffering, when he could have chosen other options.
Ultimately that act was to gratify an audience, rather than achieving an ideal strategic outcome for a police officer. Maxima did better. When possible, a bloodless subdual is preferable to killing a criminal.
Though clearly not the winner here, I’m digging the dialogue of Brüt as the general expectation of size/muscle mass/strength versus intellect don’t scale as per expectations. A general bi-product of the excessively strong and smart in comics is that they must also have a “good” alignment. Though there tends to always be exceptions to the rule, one could make a scale chart on this fictional phenomenon were they so inclined.
You are cooler than an ant. And thoughtful.
Fridge magnets.
Sydney should contact a maker of fridge magnets and get them to produce a batch of prototypes, with a selection of words to her specification. To include ones such as “Arc SWAT”, “Halo”, “Maxima” and all of the words she is missing to win “Make Maxima say”. These could be strategically positioned on whichever communal fridge Maxima is most likely to spot.
It might be a good/bad use of the results of the “Get Maxima to say” game.
There is a reason why martial artists learn to take hits, even on senstitve points. Maybe especially to build pain resistance. IIRC, relive the pain from a hit to the nads by hopping a little with your legs spread a little.
hit a man in the testacies upwards and he may recover with some pain resistance.
hit a man in the testacies downwards and you can cause serious damage and he won’t be getting back up anytime soon.
they teach that for women’s self defense.
So if they fire Hench Wench mid-fight does she instantly loose all her current powers?
Faster than light communication, by means of dismissal? Interesting possibility.
She could negotiate for extra prison perks, if she agrees to participate in some trials.
thats one way to arrest someone. also hench wench seems a bit excitable
Muppets are made with a special four-way stretch fleece sewn over closed cell foam. Some of their facial details are made with felt as are the insides of their mouths. Other details are made from fabric, feathers, pingpong balls, etc.
Hope that helps
Total shit. “Don’t take your eyes off the Apex superheroine while you introduce yourself, especially one with super speed. It’s all about timing.” The actual superheroine is the idiotic one with ALL THE SUPERPOWERS, who would beat everyone. So, practically Maxima is dead. Everyone is dead.
Barrack really wrote himself to a corner.
“WE NEED A BIGGER DEUS EX MACHINE HERE!”
No, Skid-knees is ASHIT, she hasn’t reached Apex level yet
Didn’t Deus’ company supply Max’s gun?
That’s pretty big right there.
Arc-Sparq was responsible for building it and outsources some things to Machina industries.
That doesn’t mean Machina industries does everything.
They make their own clothes(or have another company do it)
They appear to have their own super database(Vehemence fight)
They air-refreshers from Machina Industries.
IMPORTANT RULE TO REMEMBER: ALWAYS turn yourself in to the Authorities especially When your JUNK is being held HOSTAGE. Smart move on the Swedish Chefs part.