Grrl Power #873 – Pyrrhic matchmaking
You’ve all been waiting for it. Ray and Maxima will meet soon.
Sydney isn’t a lazy person necessarily, but it’s probably easy to imagine that when confronted with a frustrating job, she might gradually start putting less and less effort into it. Aster was an extreme example of how Earth is truly not ready for alien immigration, but there aren’t any languages on Earth that use the “Extended Galactic” alphabet, which accounts for the linguistic needs of about 85% of known space faring races. The difference between that and what Sydney can input into her tablet is like the difference between ASCII and UTF-8. Which is to say 128 characters vs. 1,112,064.
That’s the long winded way of saying that even the aliens who communicate in phonetic languages might have funky names. Sure, Glurbglorb might be easy to almost spell correctly in English, even if it’s really pronounced Ǫ̈lᴞrbglӛrb̈. But if the alien walks up and says, “My name is Glurb(click)glorb, Sydney probably doesn’t know how to get to the ǂ key on the tablet, so she’s going to start coming up with nicknames. Not out of spite, she just has a line of twenty aliens to get through.
The same thing when she asked someone their gender, and they said “quintflim,” and Sydney was like, “Come again?” and then the alien explained that “xers” race has five biological sexes. Sydney then discovered that none of the 58 genders available to pick from on her tablet really dialed in on quint-sexuals, so she started picking “pangender” for everyone who wasn’t obviously male or female. Again, not out of spite. She just wasn’t given the right tools for the job.
She also knows that while accurately cataloging all these tourist would be an unbelievable gold mine for scientists in a number of professions, she’s smart enough to know that’s probably not what the motivation behind all this cataloging is, and she’s happy to half-ass those results the same way her tools were half-assed.
I’m mad at myself for not thinking to name the previous comic “Scent of an alien woman” but, eh. I post these late at night and sometimes the brain isn’t firing on all cylinders.
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First, I’d keep quiet about that if I were you and second, panel 6 made me laugh out loud thank you
You are not the only one, and I was reading this at work (on my lunch break, thankfully).
So…
Would setting up the meeting make them accessory to murder?
no. but it would count against the community service Cora owes for littering.
Are you sure? If Ray is the victim, setting it up might count FOR community service
Either way, they’re assholes for putting her in that position in the first place. She has a job to do and rules to follow. This puts her in an unwinnable situation.
And the train wreck is going to be spectacular to watch.
she is the commanding officer on site, while Dabbler is a freelance and Cora is…I guess also freelance consultant right now. Local official authority over the situation is Maxima and he should be speaking with her about his unauthorized trespass anyway.
Simple solution: Call up your local attorney-slash-PR director.
“Look, I’m giving you an opportunity to deal with this your way. The other option is for me to deal with this my way.”
we have 3 days to get popcorn and lawn chairs ready to watch this spectacle.
Ill bring the beer
I’d have thought that Sydney would have recognised a click consonant, as in “Glurb(click)glorb”, as part of a language that is similar to some African languages including Xhosa (the language used in Black Panther’s Wakanda).
As such wouldn’t she just go to the wikipedia page for it and copy-pasted some of its random phonemes?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xhosa_language#Phonology
well can you spell it? …… Sure A,C, Flem ……
Jeff Dunham for the win!
or use klingon. We’ve seen syd’s fluent.
oh my, that is going to be an explosive encounter
Dabbler: Hey, Max, would you like to beat – er, greet the good Captain here?
Ray: Hellloooooo, my dear lady! *offers hand with flourish* Ray Cosmos, starpilot, entrepreneur, intergalactic ladies’ man!
Max: *polite smile* Maximilla Leander, Lt Colonel, Archon. *shakes hand*
Ray: Colonel, eh? Nothing gets me going like a lady in uniform! *plants messy kiss on Max’s hand* So, whadda YOU like to do for fun, sweet cheeks?
Max: *strained smile* …Perhaps later, Captain. For now, some of our Customs and Immigration officials would like to ask you some questions.
Ray: I’ll follow you anywhere, my gorgeous golden Galatea!
*Max and Ray walk off together*
Cora: Hmmm.
Dabbler: But… but… where was the glaring? The… the threats??? The PUNCHING?!?
Cora: I think she’s being…. cordial? Diplomatic?
Dabbler: Those words… do not go with Maxima! And ESPECIALLY not with… HIM!!
Cora: I’m… sure she’ll lose her cool with him at some point?
Dabbler: *growling* She’d better…
20 seconds later…
Dabbler: That’s my girl!
Oops. Guess certain brackets do things.
Meant to put after the first bit a bloodied Ray flying past Dabbler & Cora.
Oh my god this is perfect! XD
My favorite GrrlPower stories always seem to involve Dabbler losing her cool. Not sure why that is.
Also cookies, don’t forget the cookies.
Would her “diplomatic” talk also include “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say may be recorded and used as evidence against you in a court of law.”?
Absolutely. Thus bringing the number of planets on which Ray Cosmos has outstanding death warrants for any and all of his clones to 696,969,696,969,696,969*.
*Ray Cosmos winks.
. . . I’ll show myself out.
She has super-speed. Why would you say he placed a *messy kiss* anywhere near her when she could simply remove her hand. I get the joke but everyone is always picking everything apart on how it would or would not work, yet Max is always thrown under the bus on her side. And if there IS a confrontation throughout this encounter, those two should be held accountable for their part in it. Unfortunately, DaveB seems to forget how this kind of stuff works sometimes and lets things happen that Shouldn’t, just for a laugh.
You have apparently missed the entire point of this webcomic? Rule of Funny applies here.
Maxima can be surprised, hence her shoes once got hit by Sydney-vomit.
Now I remember why I dont read this at work. Panel 4 had me cackling out loud. And then singing the song. Ah, Alvin and the Chipmu is movie, love it!
I know it’s an actual song, but that’s what I know it from.
This is a better version (check out the hairdon’ts of the men, remind you of anyone?)
Female Elvis impersonators?
Hot Female Elvis impersonators ;)
Honestly she should just set her input to voice-to-text, it wouldn’t be any more accurate but at least it would go faster
Or just save the data as audio file recordings if possible.
I think it’d be slightly more accurate. Probably at least 10% more accurate, even, considering that she’s going with names that don’t even have any significant relation to the names they’ve given.
Aw, they went nice on him… they didn’t square him off with Sydney!
This way at least his mind will probably leave intact… dont know about the rest of him though..
there’s the potential issue of would he be [i]interested[/i] in Sydney… (?)
SOOO glad Maxi pulled Sydney up on her penchant for stupid nicknames
Are some of the aliens related to alginates then? As several seaweed varieties have over five genders and interesting life cycles (often going through several or all of them over its life)
No, we saw that one on Fracture, Sydney just assumed he wouldn’t understand her (she was wrong, he speaks better English than she does American)
Yep, I recognized Moss (not that one, the Algaerian in panel 5) immediately as the hat-wearing gentleman from Sydney’s initial communication attempts on Fracture
This looks an opportunate time for someone to discover the emoji extended keyboard on their phone.
I just can’t get past how, despite being part of a deliberately blurred background, Sydney’s orbs are displayed in absolute crystal (hah) clarity in panel 4.
Also panel six made me go look up that song (yes, I know it, but I haven’t heard it in Heaven only knows how long), and now I can’t get it out of my head.
The non-blurred Orbs is a call-forward to the Grrl Power / Wearing the Cape crossover.
The Orbs do weird things to light and/or the observer.
Not really glowing. Making you think they are.
that’s why I so often compare them the Nth tech lightbulb “Impossible Light”. Which doesn’t so much illuminate a given area as increase the brightness and clarity of everything in that given space. *yes this would mean a large enough area even the inside of your mouth would look to be perfectly lit up, no shadows, just…everything visible as if light were on it, but there is no obvious source/direction *in the sense again, no shadows, no one spot brighter than the others *unless on purpose to give the illusion of brightness*, ect…
There’s probably a reasonable in-story
reasonjustification for it, since they seem to glow without emitting light, but the actual reason is probably just because DaveB just adds them in on a separate layer on top of what he draws.The orbs just like to 4th wall break, to mess with us.
I cant imagine Maxima as someone who would want to actually sing the lyrics to that song. That said, reading that line without singing it is a bit difficult. So i wonder how much effort she put into it, so as not to prove Sydney’s point.
If Earth is any indication, half the population of the Galaxy is female. How has Ray Cosmos not been killed by any of them yet?
Might be his species. Something like that old Chinese curse… if you kill them, you have to do their job… or in this case, you become them.
Or maybe he’s just hard to kill. Gosh, who’s that space biker hit man … Lobo. I’ve forgotten his exact dynamic.
I’m sure some of our resident comic nerds will soon be happy to teach us about Lobo’s powers.
Maybe he’s a space hydra or has gremlin
Cloning.
No matter how many times he gets killed, another version will ooze out of the highly septic tanks he’s hidden in the dumps of the universe’s grimiest backwaters. Most of the unfortunates who have encountered him have given up on trying to eradicate the pest Ray Cosmos, who has proven as resilient an infestation as rats or cockroaches.
The lack of caution and/or instinct for self-preservation indicates a high level of resilience.
Name?
-I speak to thee through intentional vibrations of your atmosphere small one, my language is hazardous for your health and safety of your environment. However I am known by those who do vocalize by several titles, to translate to this language I am, The Goddess, Queen of the Sun, She who brings the rains, Moon Goddess, and The Embodiment of Evil.
*raised eyebrow*: Uh huh, okay so about, Divine?
-acceptable.
Okay, now gender?
-The concept is meaningless to my kind, we can be any gender we wish through our avatars, and our own methods of reproduction range from external mixing of essence, impregnating one another, producing eggs, asexual cloning, as well as impregnating or allowing our selves through a partial clone avatar to be impregnated by ephemeral life forms. In the end it is not the flesh but our essence that mingles.
So, all would work?
-Hmm, yes
Reason for visit?
-to cause a tired author who should know better to make a non-canon meta in-joke that only they will get in the comment section of an online comic strip based on a fictionalized account of your adventures as they are portrayed in that universe.
Heh, nice reference, but really…wait…where’d they go?
Larry Laffer in blackface takes on Maxima. Everyone’s thinking “this oughtta be good”, but there’s so much potential to go so very wrong…
I notice that the orbs have the uncanny ability to stay in focus even when Sydney herself is blurred. :-)
I’m glad that Maxima is calling her out. I was getting some Ellis Island-esque vibes of racist name changes. I’m sure Sydney would get better about it over time with training and correction like she’s getting here, but her default when out of her depth here was comically bad. Like every time she has to learn the ropes of a new task. That’s one of the things we love about her.
Thus far none of the visitors have had to use artifacts to produce the sound of their name.
Like this guy:
https://youtu.be/1LopIroSjsU?t=7
He’s gonna get punched…
It’s safe to assume that something painfull and/or humiliating will happen to him.
Do other worlds have Supers and Supernaturals or is Earth unique in that respect?
(Maybe Dave hasn’t decided that yet.)
((Throughout the GALAXY…. just Earth? That seems unlikely.))
(((Maybe THAT’S why Jeannie is waiting tables at Oonts. Not welcome on her own world.)))
IIRC, it’s a numbers game, and non-humans have a much much lower chance of producing someone with what we would consider ‘powers’, much less something useful or distinctive. Having tentacles isn’t a superpower, and being able to bench a car is not that impressive in a ‘verse with powered armor and hard light limbs.
The fact that the three main characters are all tool users instead of natural power users might come up at a later date. Dabbler isn’t human (although she’s frequently got some human in her, giggity), Maxima has some kind of weird geode symbiont amping her powers, and Sydney has the universal keys or whatever we call the orbs. Most of the others are much more limited in their powersets and scales.
As a sidenote, I’ve always been curious about the line between ‘powers’ and ‘species feature’. I want to say that all Tamaranians can fly and shoot energy blasts. But then we get to species like Atlanteans where our primary examples can pick a fist fight with Superman. Are all of them near that level of strength? You’d pretty much have to put them on a logarithmic scale if they range down toward human levels. I suppose being ‘royalty’ could explain some of that, since everyone knows the gods bless the chosen ones with greater powers to show their royalness, and totally not a genetic fluke creating a powerhouse that then takes control.
That is an interesting point. While the comic is about superheroes, and defines “supers” as individuals with inherent, exceptional abilities, the exceptional quality of the main protagonists isn’t inherent super powers, but instead something they’ve gained or use in addition.
Also, Dabbler probably has acquired more human DNA over the course of her life than is present in the average adult human.
While Sydney and Dabbler seem to be solidly in the non-inherent category, Maxima may have been more augmented with this geode slush in some way (or even merely *triggered* in some epigenetic sense), as opposed to actually being *granted* the powers by the geode slush itself.
Maxima has been stated to be a super, in addition to whatever the geode did to her. But it’s the geode that makes her “exceptional” or “interesting”, in terms of the story.
“Do other worlds have Supers and Supernaturals or is Earth unique in that respect?” – jayessell
That’s a doubly relevant question, now that we know about the existence of significant off-Earth Human populations. There are several possibilities:
[i] The presence of Supers is a characteristic of Humans per se, regardless of habitat. We should therefore expect there to be a few off-Earth Human Supers on record (even if none are currently active due to the low per-capita probability).
[ii] Any People can produce Supers in any environment. There should therefore be many, and in many varieties, among the many Peoples on the many worlds of Known Space.
[iii] Supers are only present among Peoples on Earth (i.e. not just Humans). This would imply that there’s something special about the planet itself (“Maybe this planet does have something the Universe will want“). This could be divided into sub-cases depending on whether Supers arise among ‘immigrant’ Peoples as well as native ones*, but the low number of ‘second-generation immigrants’ will make it very hard to tell the difference.
[iv] Supers are only present among Earth Humans, not among off-Earth Humans or any of Earth’s other native or ‘immigrant’ Peoples. In other words, only this specific combination of a single species and a single location produces the observed effects. Which suggests some sort of higher-level shenanigans.
* There is almost certainly a better way to phrase that distinction while maintaining clarity, but I’m not sure what it would be.
The reaction of the Xevoarchy and Cora’s crew to Maxima shooting down a Fel assault ship implies that Supers are not known outside Earth, or at least that any off-Earth Supers have (had) nowhere near Maxima’s power level. That makes case [ii] very unlikely on statistical grounds: with myriad Peoples, many of whom are more populous and/or longer-established than Humans, we would expect them to have produced Supers in or even above Maxima’s league before. It’s a weaker argument against case [i], as the off-Earth Human population is smaller and has therefore had fewer chances, but in that case we would expect Cora’s crew to be remarking on the extent to which Maxima breaks physics rather than the fact she does so at all. Especially since they fly with a well-travelled off-Earth Human, who is more likely than most to know if her People occasionally produce such surprises.
Pixel is a Were who is a Super in her Hybrid and Animal forms. It’s stated that she has Powers “uniquely, only in her Hybrid and Animal forms”; it’s therefore implied (but not explicit) that there are other Weres who are Supers in all three forms. This suggests that we have case [iii] rather than case [iv], although it doesn’t say anything about relative frequency of Supers among Earth’s Peoples. Note also that several of Earth’s non-Human Peoples appear very closely aligned/related to Humans, and Weres possibly most of all: the presence of Supers among the Weres may closely reflect the presence of Human interbreeding/ancestry. Comments at the Council imply that most of Earth’s non-Human Peoples regard being a Super as a ‘thing’ in its own right, but not necessarily as a ‘thing’ that only arises among Humans. Again, relative population sizes mean that most of the Supers recorded would be Humans, simply because more Humans means more chances to hit those long odds.
Whatever is going on, it appears to be specific to Here, and quite probably also specific to Us. That may be explainable purely on the Anthropic Principle (i.e. it’s not that the unique thing randomly happens to occur where the focus of the story is, but that the story focuses on where the unique thing occurs). Or it may be due purely to an Act of DaveB. Or maybe an Act of Someone Else…
I’d looove to see Deus coming along very shortly after the start of the encounter :D
Okay there is something the rest of the Galaxy is not telling Earth about humans.
Of course, the aliens are a lot more advanced than us primitive Earthers, and almost certainly have use-names for dealing with thousands of communications systems. But this way they get to wind up the local fuzz, AND they get an official ‘Earth-name’, which is a much better souvenir than a t-shirt or a model of the statue of Liberty. Sydney isn’t really a customs official to them, she’s a carnival booth.
Also, very much looking forward to the great Maxima/Cosmos showdown. Hopefully collateral damage will be minimal.
Maxima should present Cosmos with the bill for dealing with his unauthorized tour group.
Is it 3 am in NYC?
They’re going to mess up rush hour!
I thought it was always rush hour in NYC.
If she wants to get him legally I would say:
“Human” trafficing, smuggling, illegal vehicle and parking on an illigal location could also do the job.
If she wanted to bring him to his own jurisdiction: violating travel restriction placed by the Xenoarchy, smuggling and “human” trafficing could also do the job.
I knew someone who could’ve taken Ray’s line, used it, and MADE IT WORK. He’s passed away now, but I swear he could’ve.
I just like how thoughtful M. Wibbley the Third is, giving greetings to the new person when their name is mentioned. Very Polite.
Oh yes, Max is going to destroy him one way or another. At the bare minimum she should be able to impound him since he’s operating with out license or visas at the bare minimum.
My suggestion would be:
“Human” trafficing, smuggling, unlicensed vehicle, flying without flight plan, parking on illegal locations(unless he owns that place or has consent of the owner), unlicensed touristic business and violating Xenocharchy travel restrictions.
There is historic precedent for what Sydney is doing. It’s just a terrible precedent. Plenty of immigrants were handed new names when they were processed. There are plenty of stories from Ellis Island alone.
A friend of mine is Polish. His grandparents were German. Their family name had -sinksi appended to it when they migrated east.
Ray’s been brushing up on his 5th Century BC Greek monarchy?
…Or Midas somehow escaped Earth and that’s where all this gold is coming from? XD
…or I totally missed the undercomic panels >.<
The first thing that popped into my head too. It’s a good joke, but I don’t buy it.
Neither, King Midas is famous in the future as the destroyer of Earth and all life on it.
How did I miss his mustache before this…
Anyone else queueing for a “gaze into the fist of Dredd” parody?
Ray: I gaze into my reflection on your skin.
Max: Gaze into the fist of Maxima.
Now I remember she already did that to Dabbler.
That was the first draft of my comment, word-for-word!
Shouldn’t the title be spelled “pyrrhic,” as in “pyrrhic victory”?
Maybe DaveB was portmanteauing ‘pyrrhic’ with ‘ph33r’ (’cause Maxima is scary)?
Maybe, but it still doesn’t sound right. There’s also a definition on Urban dictionary that kinda fits.
Though I think “Hypergolic matchmaking” would be a better description.
So next comic will be a gory one then? I’m OK with that.
The simplest Dave ever did. One red panel.
Nah, it would have to be 3-panel. 2 small ones showing their meeting, with his introduction to Max and inevitable smarmy utterances from his purple mouth-hole, followed by one showing Max’s facial reaction to said obnoxious noises. THEN just one large panel coloured whatever Dave decides Ray’s blood/internal fluids are.
Except for one little corner, with chibi Dabs and Cora cheering.
Hm, a quite easy solution from most of the name issues (though not a name in “scent”) would be to simply record the audio. If it is avaible in script, have them write it down and and make a photograph of it.
As for (biological) gender, this might be tricky given that it refers to a limited range of reproduction variants.
All in all the census taking method seems barely suited for this endeavor. Burreaucracy is one thing, but at least ARC-Sparq should have come with something better by now. ;-)
…When all you have is the the grammatic version of a hammer, everything starts looking like a “quintfilm” amirite?… Seriously, not even Unifon can cover smelll, light, ultra-, sub-, or infrasonics…
Oh how those two must HATE that “man(?)” to steer him right at Maxima like that! >:)
So we know the takedown of the Fel ship was observed by some aliens in the clouds, but when did Cora and Dabbler become aware that they’d reported it to anybody? Why else would they think Ray knew about it already? One of those plot points that just got lost?
One thing I learned a long time ago is, that there is ALWAYS a witness. The witness may choose to not come forward, or may choose who he/she/they will talk to and it won’t always be the police, but your secret never was. The scene was seen by more than you.
Cora’s just back from being off-planet to collect the Fel ship bounty on behalf of Earth and arrange for the purchase of a jump shuttle, and presumably heard about it either on the news or at least on the grapevine. Also the diplomats showed up.
Ummm… I’m pretty sure Cora watched it happen?
The thing here is the idea others out there like this guy would have heard of it. We know two space cops saw it, likely dash cam recorded it. But we the audience have not seen anything to suggest that information leaked to the general galactic community.
That’s what I thought. Unless @Tan is trying to say Ray figured it out from seeing Cora’s movements?
There were also plenty of aliens secretly visiting Earth at the time. Considering the number of news crews at ground zero, it was almost certainly broadcast on Earth news sources, and some of the aliens on residing on Earth at the time presumably saw it, and said something to their friends or relatives off-world. It’s probably been a while, since we’ve seen a few training montages between now and then, so word’s gotten around. Cora and her crew probably had a few conversations while they were off-world that involved them saying “yeah, I know, I was there!
Ah good. My comedic pairing detector indicates that Ray and Max truly deserve each other. I wish the happy couple every bit of luck in the universe.
And you’re sure you haven’t Reversed the Polarity? Might need to get that thing calibrated… /s
No, Max does have a need to hit someone from time to ti… I mean “occasionally” — and Ray has this insane desire to be hit by somebody beautiful. What Time he lands up in is not important.
No really, how does he know about Midas? That’s a bit of an obscure mythological reference that only Earthbound humans whose culture Earthbound humans describe as “the west” should understand, and they’re a minority of humans. MAAAAYBE some in “the east” as well, but I’d expect that would be limited to an insignificant minority of nerds.
Also, speaking of Earthbound humans, Dave have you seen the movie “The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human”? It’s hilarious and I can totally see an alien documentary crew showing up to make a similar movie in the Grrlverse.
Alien tourism for thousands of years, including those pretending to be gods. Humans gone out into space at various points in human history.
So Greeks, popular tourist spot for those wanting to party down posing as certain Olympians or hang out with locals mythos beings of the area like satyrs and nymphs. Stories get spread.
Honestly its his younger metaphor that stood out to me…the fox comment. Like knowing not only what the animal is but the very specific cultural reference of sexualizing the animal in regards to a person. Like having an alien show up calling people jive turkeys.
I chalked the fox comment up to translator.
About the alien names I’m reminded of the old movie and TV show Alien Nation. When the Newcomers arrived the humans assigned them human names Because of the language difference and to make them “fit in” better. Many of the names would up being puns or pop culture references of some kind, like the character Sam Francisco.
So could the aliens with unpronounceable names be given Earth names while on Earth?
Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper Wednesday (pops mouth twice) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (whinnying) Arthur Norman Michael (blows squeaker) Featherstone Smith (whistle) Northcott Edwards Harris (fires pistol, then ‘whoop’) Mason (chuff-chuff-chuff-chuff) Frampton Jones Fruitbat Gilbert (sings) ‘We’ll keep a welcome in the’ (three shots) Williams If I Could Walk That Way Jenkin (squeaker) Tiger-drawers Pratt Thompson (sings) ‘Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head’ Darcy Carter (horn) Pussycat (sings) ‘Don’t Sleep In The Subway’ Barton Mainwaring (hoot, ‘whoop’) Smith
“Okay, ‘Bob’ it is. Next!”
https://youtu.be/7Xm_TRekjno?t=229
Reminds me of this Fry and Laurie sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nq-dchJPXGA
Gods they were good together.