Grrl Power #1339 – Qaplonk’
SYDNEY: “Wait, how am I a danger to myself?”
MAXIMA: “Well, you did you just hit your superior officer with a deadly weapon… even if it’s decidedly non-deadly to me. Still, you did just volunteer to peel every potato in…”
SYDNEY: //fidgeting with bat’leth, drops it on foot.//
SYDNEY: “Ow! Ow! OW! Back of the handle right on the long bones!”
MAXIMA: “Also that.”
If you were an agent of chaos, handing Sydney a giant, awkward, heavy, bladed thing isn’t the worst plan. Or giving her artifacts that grant her amazing superpowers. I’m not suggesting Deus had anything to do with that, but… if he had been in a position to arrange it, he certainly would have considered it.
I think a proper, steel bat’leth would weigh about 20-25 pounds? Depending entirely on how thick it was. The prop that Worf had on the show looked like it was maybe 1/3″ thick, and almost certainly not made of steel. Maybe aluminum? I could probably google it. Hmm. I found a prop replica, 1/4″ thick, made of aluminum, weighing in at 4 pounds. Honestly I thought Worf’s bat’leth looked like a dull nerf weapon if not for the way it caught the light sometimes. I’d assume they’d have two versions of the prop – a dangerously sharp one for display and closeups, then a HEMA or SCA safe version for twirling around and stage fights. The Sword of Kahless looked way chonkier and sharper. I found a “full size” prop on Amazon for sale made of steel, but it weighed less than a pound, because it looked about as thin as a piece of sheet metal. If the prop on the show was made of steel, I’m sure it would be impractically heavy. At least for a human to wield in a fight.
Klingons were supposedly something like 4 or 5 times stronger than humans, but that was just something the writers said. The guys staging the fights never got the memo, because human starfleet officers almost never lost a fight to one on camera. Major Kira, beanpole that she was, won every melee she got into against a klingon if I recall correctly. Oh, but she was an expert guerilla combatant, you say? That’s fine if she’s lacing the hallways with claymores, but I distinctly remember her blocking an overhead strike from a klingon by holding her phaser rifle sideways, then shunting the bat’leth off to the side, then hitting the klingon with the rifle, and he went down. That was definitely just lazy “main character VS. the one-hit-die schlub” writing, but really, a woman (and it was never established if bajorans had any particular strength or skeletal advantage over humans, so let’s just assume that Major Kira was as strong as a fit, slender human woman), a woman blocking an overhead strike from a man who, as most guys cast as kingons go, probably had six inches on her and a hundred pounds… Okay, sure. I can see that happening. If she meets the strike just right and yes, she has a decade of experience as a soldier. Not impossible. If her opponent was a human male and was only twice her strength. However, if that guy is 4 times as strong as her – and really – a female klingon would be 4 times as strong as her. A male klingon would probably be closer to six to eight times as strong as her, her arms would have buckled or her shoulders would have dislocated, or her rifle would have been ripped out of her grip (let’s assume the rifle is made of space polymers and doesn’t just snap in half) and that bat’leth should slammed into her brainpan.
So I submit to you that klingons were nowhere near 4 times stronger than humans. 40% stronger, maybe.
You know what’s weird and unnecessary? You won’t guess what I’m going to write, so I’ll just tell you. Memory Alpha had a wiki page for an “hour.” Is it a space-hour that takes into account time dilation or some sort of galactic unit of time that’s different than a standard 20th century Earth hour? No. It’s just an hour. Why it needs a dedicated page on the Star Trek wiki is baffling to me, but it’s late as I write this so maybe I’m missing something obvious.
I’m going to try something with this new vote incentive.
This month, I’m closing on a new house, selling my Mom’s house, finishing packing Mom’s house, moving city to city to the new house, forwarding mail, canceling utilities, all that. And after that’s done, I get to start the process of selling my old house, which needs a little work before it can realistically go on the market.
SO. I’m going to try and do this vote incentive in stages. Currently it’s just pencils. The TopWebcomics one will update with colors and detail until we get to the no clothes versions, then that will continue over at Patreon. Also there will be a comic or two in between each version to fill out the story.
I know it’s hard to tell from just the pencils, but this is Heatwave and Jiggawatt. The comics will explain why they’re doing what they’re doing. Although I feel like even saying that much makes it easy to guess, but hopefully the journey will still amuse.
Double res version will be posted over at Patreon. Feel free to contribute as much as you like.
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Don’t have a bat’leth, but do have a Klingon dagger, not sure what it’s made out of, and never bothered weighing it, but seems to be a decent heft to it and the pointy parts (all three of them) are, indeed, very pointy and sharp
Wait, did Chinchilla really have that box tucked under her coat?
Klingon strength was brought up a lot more in the novels, I remember several times Worf commenting that Data was the only one he could fight without pulling his blows. But yeah the series clearly had them at average human levels so blame the writers for that one lol.
Directors or combat choreographers. Maybe the props department could have had rocks break and various ships sections of sheet metal sliced. The writers may not be blameless but others further into production and budget can frequently change what’s written.
If a full-scale 1/4″ thick aluminium bat’leth weighs in at 4 lb, then a steel one should weigh roughly 12 lb or around 5.5 kg.
That’s still roughly twice as heavy as the average zweihander (6 ft long, two-handed) sword.
Not that foggiest chance of it weighing something ridiculous, like 25 lb or about 12 kg.
When martial artists make Bat’leths, they usually come in at more like 4-6 lbs depending on length. You need to really bulk them up unnecessarily to get them into the cannon weight of 5.3 Kilograms I think Dax spoke into the replicator one time.
Made at a reasonable thickness, it’s actually a surprisingly effective weapon; you basically bind someone else’s blade in the middle and then rapidly tilt one of the spiked ends into them.
If I was making a bat’leth I’d be using titanium aluminum alloy with the sharp bits as riveted in steel blades. (Yes, rivets, similar to what holds most knife handles. A good quality soft iron rivet will hold like crazy, that’s what holds the blades to the bar in mowing machines.)
Not that I’d be making a bat’leth, because it’s an absolutely ridiculous weapon.
A bat’leth built like a sword wouldn’t be more than 10 pounds, tops; swords aren’t nearly as heavy as they look, no heavier than they need to be – more weight results in a slower, clumsier weapon that tiers you out faster.
Functional bat’leth replicas commissioned from sword smiths are around 6-7 pounds, which is in the upper range of a functional intended-for-use historical greatsword.
Roughly what I was thinking.
Isn’t that possible bribery of a police officer? I know Sydney is distracted, but Max is usually more on the ball about calling things like that out. Even if she is geeking out over the thing.
As others pointed out, it is not bribery if you do not ask for anything and just make a gift. And the current US/Archon policy is to treat Deus as a friendly power to milk for tech insights. Maxi already let Sydney accept a Gaitlyn decoration from him, I assume that precedent works.
There is no law against a police officer accepting a gift if there is no quid pro quo. However, in many police departments, it’s against department policy because it creates an appearance of impropriety.
As for it being bribery, in a legal context, the elements of bribery is:
1) a public official, being given;
2) a thing of value, where there is;
3) a request or receipt by the official, or an offer or promise to the official of that thing of value;
4) for the benefit of the official or somet other person or entity;
5) with the requisite connection to an official act;
6) with the requisite intent.
So while elements 1-4 are definitely accurate here, 5 is missing, and 6 would need to be proven. Probably the reason why there is no actual law against police officers receiving gifts (because it’s technically not illegal on its face), but police departments have guidelines against it (better safe than sorry).
I am confident there is a standard waiver exception somewhere in the policy for cops and soldiers alike if the chain of command knows and approves for political or PR reasons. Current US/Archon policy is to keep Deus friendly and milk him for tech insights, so I assume that applies here. Same reason why Sydney could accept a decoration from Deus.
Probably. I’m just saying that legally, it’s permissible, and it only might not be permissible within a department for policy reasons – not backed by the force of law. So what Deus is doing is probably allowed by ARCHON (otherwise the dinner that Deus treated Maxima to would be treated the same way, as would the expensive scotch she drank and the presents that Deus has given Maxima in the past) and DEFINITELY permissible under the law.
Plus it’s already canon in the comic that Deus has given LOTS of people he does business with presents, and it hasnt been considered bribery or against ARCHON policy. Maxima has accepted gifts from Deus of a diamond and ruby M choker and boots with magnesium silicon carbide cleats.
https://www.grrlpowercomic.com/archives/comic/grrl-power-407-pseudohistory/
Last panel – “You bring gifts for your male business partners?” “You would have known if they were dates!”
And the blurb below:
Deus: “I absolutely give my business partners gifts!”
Maxima: “A diamond and ruby “M” choker?”
Deus: Ok, that was a miscalculation, but you liked the boots with the magnesium silicon carbide cleats.”
Maxima: “They were all right.”
So I don’t think anyone else posted about it, but Deus has to have incredible hand strength. In panel 4 he is holding up the weapon and case by the outside fingertips, no palm of his hand when he shows Sydney. Holding between 20-40 lbs just by you fingers is really strong. (guess on the weight here since Sydney thinks it’s heavy) Must be those snaps that build finger strength.
He is a fitness buff that works out to relax and enjoys the benefits of a Superion-channeler body to begin with. No surprise his strength is peak human or slightly better even w/o super-strength powers.
Actually, the palm of his right hand is holding it, and it is already opened
Again, as others have pointed out, it’s not that heavy, Sydney is just that weak
Swords are much lighter than 20 lbs. They’re built to be used, & you have to move them. A longsword is going be under 7 lbs., sometimes more like 2?
So, no, a batleth is presumably under 10 pounds. Maybe more like 4 or 5? They’re not exactly heavy.
I own a few swords (mainly katanas but also a gladius) – they’re mostly just wall-hangers although one is a real one from an ex-boyfriend that’s worth a lot. None of them really weigh more than 3 1/2 lbs. Most weight maybe 2 lbs and change. The short one (I think it’s called a wakizashi) weigh significantly less, and the one really long one is the 3 1/2 lbs one. The sword cane probably weighs the most but that’s mostly because of the case/sheath – without it it’s maybe one pound. It’s almost like a 36″ letter opener. Again, also a wall hanger although I got it at an estate sale.
A bat’leth, or wherever the apostrophe goes depending on if it’s High Klingon, Ancient Klingon, or Common Klingon ;) would likley have a pretty good taper to the blades, or at least the pointy parts, shaving a not inconsiderable amount of weight off and allowing for an edge geometry that could actually cut something. Being as a ‘heavy’ cavalry saber weighs in at around 900 grams, or about two pounds +/-, and a poleaxe generally goes about 8-10 lbs, I’d think it would fall somewhere in the middle at maybe 5-6 pounds or 3kg…maybe. Modern reproductions of antique weapons are most often much heavier than the originals, they generally use thicker steel with less of a taper and are more heavily constructed so you don’t break your expensive purchase in the first week or ruin the edge beyond repair. Swords broke in battle all the time and one of the common tactics was to break your opponent’s blade. That said, swords were generally a backup weapon to the poleaxe or spear once plate armour came along and if you’re going to drag one around all day and not use it, then it should be as light as you can get away with. The first thing most people say when picking up a genuine antique blade is “that’s a lot lighter than I expected” because it is.
I love the Freefall reference by Sydney.
Why would Deus suddenly give Sydney a bat’leth out of the blue like that?
To create chaos as a distraction, and it’s working :)
I bet she would volunteer to peel [and/or slice] every potato if you let her do it with the bat’leth.
At the risk of offending everyone “We have followed you this far; you have not led us astray.” (Legolas, to Aragorn). You sir are a legend.