Grrl Power #1125 – Splash damage
“Once I enter, I’ll want a distraction.”
“I could increase my mass, fall through the floor and destroy whatever’s underneath.”
“That’s always your suggestion.”
“And you contribution is to be gold and punch things. We all have our niches.”
“Touché?”
Planning an assault with a bunch of superheroes would probably become predictable.
AM: “Is this warehouse near a river possibly? Because I could…”
BM: “No, Aquaman, no large bodies of water nearby. Anyone have viable suggestions?”
AM: “Aw.”
F: “I could…”
BM: “Let me guess, Flash, run at them very quickly and steal all their guns or possibly create a tornado around them?”
F: “Well what the hell else am I going to do? Challenge them to a game of Clue? Of course I’m going to use my superpowers in the manner that has proven effective in the past. That’s what all of us always do! Why do we even have planning meetings? Why, what are you going to do, Bruce? Offset the cost of the missiles you launch from the Batwing by buying fifty-million shares of Oracle and then passively make more money in a month than the bottom 99% of Gotham combined? You know if you put some of that money into Gotham ISDs, you’d halve crime in a generation!”
BM: “Okay, geeze! Obviously we’ve ventured into a sore area. I withdraw my earlier sarcasm.”
F: “Thank you.”
BM: “… Buuut…”
F: “Yes! I’m going to run in and steal all their guns so those of us who can’t actually dodge bullets can concentrate on other things!”
BM: *slowly backs away from podium*
The January Vote Incentive is up! Time for the quarterly fashion show that Anvil puts Maxima through. Can you detect the theme?
Variant outfits and lack thereof over at Patreon.
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Double res version will be posted over at Patreon. Feel free to contribute as much as you like.
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Dongs Ahoy!Full frontal and backal. Lots of skin, sex on some or all pages, explicit or otherwise.
What did five knuckles say to the face?
“You look like you need a HAND.”
Gotta hand it to you, that was hands down pretty funny.
Dont you start! The joke was funny but dont turn it into a pun competition!!!
What’s wrong with a little mano e mano, hmm?
Hardly the fist time we’ve done thumbthing like that. Or arm you suggesting we finger out a different way of doing this?
What happened to you Bharda? You used to be super cool, then you fell in with a bad crowd – these miscreant and ne’er-do-well pun-makers!
I know you kids nowadays think it’s all fine and dandy to do terrible puns that give fourth degree cringe-burns, but bad wordplay is a gateway literary path to a life of misery (for me).
Yeah, never get involved with pun-makers – if you give them a finger, they take the whole hand.
It is an arm’s race.
Don’t you waggle that finger at us! We won’t knuckle under to your heavyhanded tactics. The knuckle draggers over a Iga’s won’t hesitate to finger you if we break out the thumbscrews. Lil’ Pinky has already called in a ringer, N.Dex, to thumb his nose at you.
I’d pinky promise it wasn’t deliberate, but that would be a lie. I just can’t resist the urge to make you face-palm.
Everyone knows by now your ninja threats just amount to a slap on the wrist, so we’re giving you the finger.
Hand puns, as anyone tried to insert one about fists or would that be stretching it too much?
…
……
Why Rhuen. Why.
because we know you love that we are handy with words. .
Hate is a kind of love, I suppose.
I’m grouping around my head for reasons that i should not join in on this fun, thus far ive counted on my digits 0 reasons not to join in. Hand to god, i did not expect that this morning when i woke id have to get hands on with my vocabulary and use it for the powers of cringe, but here we are. Hardly the first time ive been in this situation, so i shall to the best of my ability handle this with a sort of dignified aplomb. Handymen are handily handling handsome hands fingers’ fingering figurines of palm sized proportions while perilous paws point digits perilously close to pointedly proclaim: “you have been far to handsy!”.
ran out of time to keep going/make it better. im sorry.
Forget the ninjas, the pirates, the pirate ninjas, the zombies, the pirate ninja zombies, the koalas, the ninja koalas, the pirate koalas, or the pirate ninja zombie koalas. I’m sending Bob from accounting to as your hit squad.
May god have mercy on your soul.
*deploys Ringo, the koala bookkeeper*
Not so fast. We’ve already had an……………………………”aww-dit.” B)
*YEEEAAAGH!!!!*
I am an engineer in a big company. we have ways of dealing with accountants. very effective ways. with spreadsheets, graphs, powerpoints, and excessive automated forms. (automated for us…)
btw I keep getting this gourd, cucumber and pea left on my doorstep. your doing pander?
well know what they say, sometimes if you give them a finger they’ll take the whole hand.
Now that’s hitting below the belt!
Well, you can’t really punch without pun, now do you?
“You look hungry – want a sandwich?”
^ + Hermano.
They said “Den-TIST!”
Super powers can be used for a lot of fun tactical planning.
For example Maxima could instead of punching train throwing for precision take downs over distance.
Invulnerability allows you to fire much more powerful weapons and in completely different stances.
Here you are actually already using Maxima’s powers creatively the fact that she gold and splashy makes villain focus on her, os the team can take them down.
Stallward can use the increase in weight to ground powerfull weaponery, the decrease in weight to jump higher, he can take boxing lessons to use his full weight in his punches.
Once you got a power one can get pretty creative with what one does with it.
Still you make a good point once you figured out a few tricks you can better train them and get really good at them than to keep experimenting with new ones.
That’s the problem though: people tend to get complacent with their powers, even if they have been born with them and have been using them for decades, it took Emma taking over Bobby’s body and doing things he never imagined doing for him to unlock his ice-form (prior to that, he was mostly just walking around as a fluffy snowman throwing snowballs)
To be fair, Bobby is an idiot.
No, he wasn’t, he just hadn’t had a reason to do anything offensive up until that time
He was always the joker of the team
Sort of like how when Otto Octavius got control over Spider-Man’s body, he realized how much Peter held back CONSTANTLY on his strength and other powers, including the use of his ability to stick to any surface, which could actually be used in horribly offense-based ways. Peter knew how to, but never did use it in the ways that Otto did.
When Peter was later in prison, he showed that he was fully understanding the many ways he could use most of his powers in EXTREMELY deadly ways, including his web fluid, which he threatened to shoot down Kingpin’s mouth to clog up his lungs for several hours during which even surgery would not be able to save him if he ever went after Aunt May again.
Lesson to learn from that: don’t give someone a reason to get ‘creative’ with their powers
Why villains often make the most sense to get creative, they often have to deal with so many types of opponents. It’s like, okay you have a spell that crystalizes the blood and blood vessels of a single opponent. But what if we wrote some spell code that then made the crystalized circulatory system rip free of the body and attack the other party members like a spindly crystal golem. Takes out one opponent while adding a unit to the field to help take on the would be heroes
there actually is such a spell in 3e D&D, kills someone, rips out their blood, and makes a water elemental with it.
i think the better example would be that “writers” get complacent with powers and part of that is human nature(going with whats easy) and part of it is just out and out lack of creativity or lack of knowledge. Thats not to be mean either that last part, sometimes being super creative is just HARD, other times it requires knowledge they may just not have. Multiple times ive seen characters that have control over heat for instance. they can start a fire sure, and do, they can put out the fire too, and do. but they never use any sort of cold/freeze powers. why? hot/cold is just how excited the molecules are (aka how fast they are moving), since you have control over that you have control of fire AND ice. but they are either an ice user or a fire user, never both. But most writers in basically any genre are not science nerds. they are not going to realize that fact and so are never going to use it for an unexpected surprise reveal/surprise win.
Also one of the other great limiting factors can be the hero’s character. Give the punisher xaviers abilities and he is going to use them in a dramatically different way. He is going to be walking along the streets just executing what appears to be “random” people…but he read their thoughts, didnt like those thoughts and just *bam* one more “bad” person dead. Its part of why punisher doesnt HAVE an ability, he is actually more interesting without one.
Regarding why there is usually a fire or ice manipulator, is so they could make a counterpoint character, either as a colleague (Heatwave and Captain Cold) or rivals (Iceman and Pyro)
If you had a character with both abilities, how do you counter them?
According to My Hero Academia you punch them hard enough.
There was a character in an independent comic back in the 1980s who discovered she had that combo. She’d thought she had ice powers like her brother until she had to use her powers a lot, and stalled out. It turned out that they were both heat manipulators, but he naturally dispersed the heat he pulled out to create ice, whereas she stored it inside herself and slowly dispersed it. She’d stalled out because her internal storage was full.
What does ISD stand for? Independent School District?
Got it in one. CSD is consolidated school district, LA CISD is one I’m still trying to suss out, it’s a consolidated but still independent school district? LA County Independent School District?
something charter school district
Interconnectivity Social Disorder!
Interconnectivity Social Disorder does sound like an apt description of school.
Thank you. I’ll try to add that to my list of TLAs, right after Imperial Star Destroyer and Internal Sales Document.
Auqaman, summon a can of tuna and make some sandwiches. again.
Face amputation commencing.
Aquaman is a recurring mockery target for one of my favorite authors – see exhibit A and exhibit B.
People always forget he also has super strength. And, y’know, an actual army.
Aquaman is canonically as strong as some of the heaviest hitters on the Justice League–while ON LAND.
In the sea, he’s even stronger, and pretty much none of the Justice League can match him.
That, aside from the fact he commands ALL of the creatures of the see, including canonical monsters that are eldritch horrors. That, aside from him being a king.
He’s one of the strongest, not the pathetic guy often portrayed.
His actions make him the pathetic guy, not his powers (oh right, not even him, the writers)
No kidding. I mean, even out of the water, a bullet to the face makes him frown at you, and he can casually toss full armored bank trucks over his shoulder. There are exactly two members of the original just us league who are stronger or tougher than him, he’s just as rich as Batman, and people still somehow think he’s a useless whipping boy. I blame the old super friends cartoon, he may have been constantly mocking his fellow heroes, but it was too subtle for a lot of kids,. (Seriously, when the guy wearing shark skin pants calls you “chum”, he’s not saying you’re good friends. He’s calling you bait.)
All the powers of Spongebob! (and only half as annoying)
Did you not see that episode of death battle? SpongeBob wiped the floor with him.
Her gloves are rather interesting…. Is there any material that would serve as protection or for offense that her hand wouldn’t obliterate in a solid fight? We are talking about people who bend rebar into hair ties like it’s soft fabric. Even tungsten would really just shatter under repeated excessive force impacts especially something that thin.
Mostly, like the rest of her outfit, it’s just part of the team uniform, so that they all look the same from a distance
Yeah, I think it’s just a look… the material won’t be damaged by her punches because it’s protected the same way all of her clothing it… but equally, they’re not doing anything to either protect her hands, or to affect the impact.
I had an RPG character like that… she’d never use a melee weapon in a serious fight, because if she’s hitting things with full force, weapons break well before her fists would. I suspect Maxima is the same… with her powers, no weapon (except maybe Achilles, swung forcefully) would achieve more than just punching someone.
I’d guess her gloves are actually for grip if she needs it.
If her force field protects the gloves then having the large knuckles on the gloves would slightly reduce the area of impact, increasing the amount of force applied to that area.
How much is that going to matter at her strength? probably not a lot, because she can always get stronger instead, and the people she has to hit full force aren’t going to notice the difference.
Those gloves are called Weighted-knuckle gloves and they are used by police forces all around the world to cause more injuries. Often used against civil protesters.
I hope the fight goes on for a bit like the Vehement one did, but i’ve got a depressing feeling that sucker punch will be the end of SM.
This would actually be an awesome plot twist to just sandbag what is obviously supposed to be a recurring villain, a la Raiders of the Lost Ark, but it’s such a waste of good material. Lampshading it with a temporary knockout and sudden recovery is hard to pull off.
Well, it looks like our villain here totally failed to appreciate the GRAVITY of the situation.
(somebody had to say it)
There’s a reason nobody did.
Low hanging fruit is one thing.
You had to stoop to pick that one.
I doubt even Pander would bother with a hit squad for that little thing.
I didn’t fall for it, but only because I didn’t have the space, time, or sufficiently warped sense of humor.
No one had to say it dangit.
:)
At least no-one suggested his new name be GravitAss
How about “Supermassturbator”?
I must have done something terrible in a previous life like blew up a bus of nuns, puppies, and disabled kittens to be subjected to these puns so constantly.
On two fronts no less.
“You’re saying you’re affronted by puns?” *he asked duplicitously*
Maybe I also ran over some orphans while escaping from the bus explosion. Some blind orphans. With lisps. On crutches. That must be it. There must be some sort of karmic reason for this.
> Some blind orphans. With lisps. On crutches.
Yeah, you really should have seen it coming. I’m speechless you thought you could just walk away from that.
Knowing Pander’s demeanor, I can envision exactly how it went down with the blind orphans.
You haven’t considered that your current profession might have some karmic consequences, no matter how good your intentions?
No. I told you previously, I’m the only lawyer with morality in the world currently. As with Highlander, there can be only one. So it has to be from a previous life.
Except… SmugD
Okay, technically SmugD does have morals, he’s still a Smug D though, so that works against you
A moral lawyer is still a lawyer. For some people, that’s beyond the pale. Also, how many other lawyers tell themselves the same thing? Do you have some kind of distinguishing mark or token to prove that you’re the one, to the other lawyers, if nobody else?
“A moral lawyer is still a lawyer.”
Yes but it’s like the Jedi and the Sith.
“Also, how many other lawyers tell themselves the same thing?”
No others. Every 4 years all the lawyer have a meeting about who has to be the moral one and I keep losing.
“Do you have some kind of distinguishing mark or token to prove that you’re the one, to the other lawyers, if nobody else?”
Who told you about the mark!!?!
I have a knack for knowing stuff I shouldn’t. :)
I think I’m a superhero! I can harness gravity to impart more kinetic energy than a .357 magnum bullet – all it takes is leaving one of my shoes untied…
If I do it near a balcony, I can beat 7.62mm too!
Very very minor nitpick btw.
It is spelled ‘Cannonball’ not canonball. :)
Clearly, that ball is an integral part of the original work, and not made up by fans.
This would actually be a great term for a new event / fact that shatters past continuity.
Like Calvinball, but with the laws of nature instead of the rules of the game.
is your spelling considered canon? ;p
Too easy Target. Too easy!
I’m surprised Maxima didn’t go through the floor considering Supermassive put enough force on her that she struggled to stand with 2nd level, boosted strength.
Best guess is that her 0 boosted flight was being used to hold up enough of her weight to prevent it.
I dread to think how much Stalwart much have set his weight to. Lights out and Supermassive/Suckhole is regretting the glowing mask that neatly helps his face to stand out in the dark. Unless he’s got a level of supertoughness I doubt he could take a Maxima fist with a level 1 boost to the chin and stay awake, but if he has good reaction he might set her gravity immediately away from him when the fist makes contact.
Y’know, a Hydrokinetic doesn’t NEED to be near a lake or river, right? It’s called “Ground water”, and exists most of the places where people can live. (also plumbing, yes, the bathrooms can be a weapon too.)
lets see. sweat, most plants contain water and what was it again… Blood. how needs a bathroom when you can sweat out a weapon.
Aquadork ain’t no hydrokinetic (not even a hydromatic :P ), he can just talk to fish
Aquaman: My ability to talk to fish is of no use, Wonder Woman!
Wonder Woman: (rolls eyes)
“Ugly sacks of mostly water.”
That’s from Star Trek TNG, right?
Correct
Along with the fact that, at least one version of him can take the water out of people. Aquaman be lethal.
Technically speaking, that’s the Jack Knife. Where you dive in with one leg held up and the other going down. Cannonball is where you curl up in a ball and jump in.
No, as someone smarter than me pointed out already, a ‘jack-knife’ is where they are folded in half touching their toes until just before hitting the water where they straighten out, just like a folding knife being pulled on someone (in this case, the water)
Gotta love a good game of Br’er Rabbit. (Basically do the opposite of what I say)
Iibbar Re’rb?
AKA the Briar Patch Maneuver?
Oy, with the Batman-should-put-money-into-Gotham bit. He does. I get the joke from the normies, but comic book people should know better.
I swear every time I hear the “waaaah why doesnt batman use all his money to end poverty” argument, a little piece of my soul dies. People forgetting that the Wayne Foundation is a huge part of Bruce’s identity is like people forgetting that Aquaman is nearly as strong as Superman, has a literal army at his disposal, could flood the planet if he wanted to and can control *every* critter in the sea with his mind, including Cthulhu-level stuff. Bruce Way is a businessman that actually cares about his employees and a consummate philanthropist. Let’s also not forget that Wayne Industries is why the Justice League has all their nice shiny toys. I think his billions going to protecting earth from world ending catastrophes is a bit more important than keeping commie hipsters from having to get a job. What, you think Clark Kent’s reporter salary is covering it? XD
Also, the sheer scale of governmental budget is well beyond even billionaires, even at the local level. The annual budget of NYC, which has a population roughly equal to Gotham’s, for this year is over $100B. Any of the top 5 richest people in the world could fund it for maybe 2 years before completely exhausting their resources – and that’s just to maintain the status quo, not even making improvements. This is one of the reasons real-world billionaires put their philanthropy money into force-multiplying efforts, instead of just writing checks to the city/state.
Just one caveat – Aquaman definitely isn’t nearly as strong as Superman by any stretch of the imagination in any iteration, but he’s a lot stronger than people realize that he is. But I agree that Batman does a TON with his money to help fight stuff like poverty, lack of education, mental health, and other causes of crime in his War against Crime.
There are more factors. Superman strength is variable on Solar and Kryptonite exposure and “I feel like I live in a world made of cardboard. Always taking constant care not to break something” holding back.
Aquaman has been noted as not Hydrokinetic, but zero range Hydrokinetics would explain fast water travel, maneuverability and anchoring amplifying effect of strength in water.
One more subtle underwater comfortable superhero to toss into the mix. Martian Manhunter may be able to directly rival Aquaman’s personal strength, (not rulership in his Element) With the exception of volcanic activity there are less fires to worry about as well. Martian Manhunter however tends to be a force multiplier by coaching others, instead than playing public front hero.
“There are more factors. Superman strength is variable on Solar and Kryptonite exposure and “I feel like I live in a world made of cardboard. Always taking constant care not to break something” holding back.”
This is true. Different wavelengths of solar radiation affect Kryptonians differently, since they are basically living solar batteries. Red solar radiation only gives them the equivalent of human strength (possibly peak human, since Kryptonians did master eugenics by the time that Krypton was destroyed).
Orange gives them some superstrength and some invulnerability, enhanced speed, as well as quasi-flight (basically jumping really high), but no heat vision or freeze breath or other more passive abilities (based on the 3 part series ‘The Third Kryptonian’).
Yellow gives all the powers we know that Superman, Supergirl and Power Girl possess normally.
Green gives Kryptonians twice the power of a yellow star.
Blue gives them a massive boost in their power levels, far moreso than even under a yellow star, and even more power than they have in binary or trinary yellow star planet – which already is enough to boost their powers to VERY hard to control levels (in the Brave and the Bold series, it happen to Supergirl while on Rann with Green Lantern and Adam Strange while they were looking for the Book of Destiny). It’s usually so much power that the Kryptonian is literally unable to control their power output (Superman has it a little easier than other Kryptonians since he’s lived his entire life having to hold back), plus gives Kryptonians some additional powers like ‘Superman Vision’ which basically can be used to give humans temporary superpowers. Basically it’s similar to a very long solar dip (like how Supergirl in New Earth has a power that Superman does not have – Solar Flare – because of being in near orbit of the sun for 30 years in her ship).
White Dwarfs have only been seen in one comic (Action Comics #376), and it doesnt seem to affect Kryptonians any different than yellow stars, except they possess ‘neutronium’ in its interior… according to the astrophysicists who worked on silver age DC comics, so take that with a grain of salt. :)
Brown Stars make kryptonians FAR weaker than even a young human child. Oddly enough, Brown KRYPTONITE heals kryptonians. Not sure if that has anything to do with anything but it was a nice bit of trivia I wanted to mention.
Annnd that’s about all they’ve shown in the comics about different types of stars.
“Aquaman has been noted as not Hydrokinetic, but zero range Hydrokinetics would explain fast water travel”
He’s not, but Mera (his wife) is. So is Aqualad. Aquaman can manipulate water as well, but needs his trident to do so. Atlantean magic I’m guessing.
“Martian Manhunter may be able to directly rival Aquaman’s personal strength,”
In the comics at least, Martian Manhunter is actually one of the few beings who are on par, or nearly on par, with Superman in terms of raw physical strength. In the cartoon, they powered down his physical abilities massively in order to play up his mental/psionic abilities andd shapeshifting/phasing abilities. There have been two time when superheroes had to move the entire Earth. Once was with Hal generating some sort of construct which Superman alone had to pull on to pull the Earth back into a normal orbit. The other time was Wonder Woman, Superman, and Martian Manhunter all together pulling on Wonder Woman’s lasso, which had a special spell placed on it to encircle the entire Earth, then some scientific mumbo jumbo by Batman and Mr. Terrific to make sure the Earth was not torn apart while they did it.
Gravity Goomba forgets the standard regulations as put forth by starfleet. No unencoded Transmissions over lines that are believed to have been compromised. In other words she was talking in code so don’t believe what you hear.
Gotham ISD is probably supported by a property tax, Wayne Enterprises quite likley pay a good % of the ISD budget. Though given the maner that ISDs use the money a present I doubt more money will lower crime.
Are you saying they have really nice sports facilities?
Got Ham has it’s own Imperial Star Destroyer?
Of course they do…
its a line item on the aerospace budget.
Ah, classic mistake.
Assuming your situation is exactly like every previous situation.
Poor Aquaman, Disney tried to resurrect him, but the Woke just can’t seem to get it right.
i would like to point out that, in this comic… stalwart is technically supermassive while doing this cannonball XD
Stalwart looks very Jason Statham in panel 3.
Except that he’s smiling which isn’t something Jason Statham characters do.
Oh, how wrong you are, Statham characters smile, but you don’t want them to be smiling, certainly not at you!
And Wart is one character who has remained the most consistent art-wise
Time for that dental appointment..
Pretty sure Suckhole here is gonna show our Golden Golem just how strong his powers are and push her away by adjusting her gravity sideways.
that poor cat
jus’ passin’ choom
That splash used to be called a Can Opener..