Help me be funny
I’m working on a postcard that I can hand out at conventions, leave on tables, etc, and I’ve got one side draw, but I’m not sure about the dialog on it, so I thought I’d let everyone throw some ideas in to the pot.
The idea is that I take the craziest looking characters and have them commenting on the comic that Sydney’s reading, thus irritating her. I’m not sure what to go with though, here’s a few things I came up with:
Maxima: The characters in that comic are so outlandish.
Dabbler: It’s just so unrealistic.
Sydney: What are you guys, the ironic duo?
I’m not sure that having Sydney calling out the irony makes for the most elegant delivery, so I started coming up with alternatives like:
M: Do the characters in that ever stop flexing? (one of my pet peeves about the way most comics are drawn)
D: Wow even I can’t bend my back like that.
S: Do you mind?!
Or:
M: Not enough action.
D: Not enough sex.
S: Shouldn’t you be fighting crime somewhere?
And the like. I thought before I got 5,000 printed I’d throw this out there and see if anyone had any favorites or even your own dialog that might work better. I need to send this to print Monday 5/9 to get it back in time for the Dallas Comic Con which I’ll be wandering around for at least part of a day, so I have until Monday evening if anyone wants to contribute.
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I think your middle selection is great:
M: Do the characters in that ever stop flexing?
D: Wow even I can’t bend my back like that.
S: Do you mind?!
M: So, how would Spiderman handle this situation?
D: This is probably more of a Wolverine thing.
S: Let me see how Archie ditches Betty and Veronica first.
Hah hah, that’s… not quite what I’m looking for but pretty funny.
M: Are you looking up tactic tips there?
D: Don’t make – have you seen that cutie over there?
S: Hey, some people have other ways to relax than you!
M: You do know that romance isn’t really like that for us, right?
D: Unless you’re Harem, of course. Lucky girl…s.
S: I’m trying to ignore reality for a moment! Do you mind?!
I like the third one best. Keeps things brief and punchy.
M: $50 says that artist has never seen a girl before.
D: And no warrior would wear armor that small.
S: You two can draw your own stakeout comic next time!
M: Why do you read those when you’re actually a superhero?
D: Yeah, there’s real crimes to stop out there!
S: Maybe because the comics don’t talk back to me.
Also, Dabbler doesn’t seem to be looking at the comic, which makes it a little odd for her to be commenting on it the way that some versions of this have her doing.
Not if she’s already familiar with it.
M: What’s her super power again?
D: Power beams from her…
S: Don’t say it!
m: I told you it was too hot
s: it wasn’t too hot
d: then why do you keep using pages of your comic book as TP
Action/Sex/Crime works pretty well.
For my own thoughts, not quite sure the set up, maybe “Scoville, read that trash on your own time.” “Comic books on a mission? How Unprofessional.” but I like the thought of a punchline about clothes. “At least my uniform fits…” “How exactly are belly shirts and cleavage professional?”
Of course, Dabbler is left hanging in either one, and they’re the kinda jokes I like mainly because they’re not that funny. Like puns.
I’m thinking Sydney should be responding with a long-winded, and pompous, comment on the “Cultural Significance of Comics”. Her bubble would need to be enlarged, and even so the comment would require multiple ellipses.
M: All their boobs are too big
D: Yeah, Not at all realistic.
S: And you two are the pinnacle of artistic restraint.
Fourth Wall Humor FTW!
This – very much this. Teehee!
this. definitely this.
^–this–^
M: “Are the people in that comic ever NOT in “flex mode”?”
D: “Having four arms already takes the attention off of my chest enuff in “normal mode”.
S: “Do you two mind?!”
A twist on one you wrote
Great idea!
Some of the above suggestions are pretty good. I actually really like the Archie gag. :)
Personally I vote for the artistic restraint one, but my own two cents
M: Must you read that drivel
S: It’s called Research. These are the closest things to an instruction manual I get.
D: You sure you’re not ‘researching’ that hot guy on page 34
Of course if it’s just the last line that bothers you in the first one you could change it.
“They’re just wearing costumes.”
or
“This from the living art duet?”
or maybe
“Have you looked at yourselves recently?”
You might even just re-word it as
“The ironic duo strikes again.”
making it a more sarcastic comment.
M: Oh my, should you really be reading such things?
D: You could say pornography has become quite commonplace nowadays.
S: Could you let me read my comics in peace?
Hah hah, like Max and Dabbler suddenly have Victorian sensibilities?
Haha this is why I don’t write.
M: Tell me you don’t actually want to do such things.
D: Meh, I’ve had bigger.
S: And here I thought hanging with you two would be better than Anvil & Harem.
M: Not enough aliens.
D: Not enough females.
S: And what were you expecting in THE $%”··$ SMURFS?
M: Totally unrealistic. They wear the most ridiculous outfits, use the worst tactics, and operate under the most questionable physics I have ever seen. If *I* were running that team…
D: More tits and studmuffins!
S: This is what I get for telling you people I write a webcomic.
M: Dabbler, leave the normal boys alone and stay at your post.
D: Maxima, you want four fists in your face? I will have my fun.
S: Both of you just SHUT UP and go suck peppers!
or
M: Those shiny lens flares are obnoxious.
D: At least the purple tones are subtle.
S: Thank you, Montressor and Fortunato.
I probably shouldn’t …but what the hell
M: (speaking ot S) …Must you wear such a low cut top?
D; It’s not a low cut top, it’s a high cut thong.
S: Hey – trying not to barf here!
…Let’s try that again – this time with the names right
M: (speaking to D) …Must you wear such a low cut top?
D; It’s not a low cut top, it’s a high cut thong.
S: Hey – trying not to barf here!
One more, then I’ll shut up:
M: Dabbler, can you please cut back on the fan-service uniforms?
D: Maxima, can you please give that stick up your ass a twist?
H: Halo, can you please stop hanging out with these two?
Have Sydney speaking second:
Maxima: Why do you persist with those comics Sydney?
Sydney: Because I like them, MOM!
Dabbler: Hey, did you know the mayor’s being kidnapped?
Maxima ” Why are you reading a funny book with Naked Lesbian Girls?”
Sydney:”IT WOULD BE A COMIC BOOK AND A LIGAMENT MEDIA NUT A FUCKING FUNNY BOOK !, BUT THIS A HENTI BOOK AND IT’S MY JOB I GOT KNOW IT THE BOOKS ANY GOOD TO STOCK OR IF IT’S TO EXTREME! I GOT A BUSINESS TO RUN!”
Dabbler:” Ok, Then how come you are drooling and sweating like that?..”
I had two possible ideas:
M:I hope you aren’t trying to learn real combat tactics from a comc.
D:She could never do most of that anyway.
S:Hello! Member of an elite forces group here!
OR We’re on the same superhuman elite team remember?
—
M:Clearly the author of that comic has no real military experience.
D: Yeah I and look at their ridiculous costumes.
S: This is why I hate watch duty with you two.
OR your original “Shouldn’t you be fighting crime somewhere?”
Some funny stuff in here, some of it doesn’t quite match the tone I was going for, some of it requires a little too much pre-existing knowledge of the characters for the humor to work, so I think I’m going to go with this – a sort of hybrid of my original idea and some of the comments here.
M: There’s more fabric in my left sleeve than those ‘uniforms’.
D: Don’t think you have the ‘powers’ to make that look work, kid.
S: Audible quotation marks: the SECOND most common superpower.
Go ahead and print some blank ones as well.. keep the game going.
Yeah I wish I could have done 1000 with one conversation, 1000 with another, and 1000 blanks, but oh well, maybe the next printing I’ll do something different.
You know, since these are supposed to be postcards to hand out at conventions, if you want to double your exposure, as it were, why not leave the balloons blank and let the people who get them use them as post cards and fill in their own dialogue? They will then send them to friends who don’t know about your webcomic and that will steer them to it.
how many arms does dabbler have?
Four. Well. 3.6. You’ll see.
And am I mistaken, or did I see two sets of breasts?
M: Were I drawing them, clothing would be far more practical.
D:Yeah, all quirky T’s over long sleeves and jeans.
S:So everyone should look like they’re about 10 seconds away from a wardrobe malfunction?
– So that is the plan, everyone ready to go? We just have 2 minutes ti pull it off.
– ready, always ready, lets go!
– one more page, ok, I’m almost at the end of the chapter.
I love the irony of the finished one. Maxima’s posing, Dabbler’s dressed outlandishly and Sydney is just herself, as always :)
Thanks, that’s what I was going for, basically them being ironic without actually pointing out that it’s ironic, with the bonus of Sydney basically just being irritated.
Maxima: The characters in that comic are so outlandish.
Dabbler: It’s just so unrealistic.
Sydney: you know this comic’s about the two of you right?
M:Why are you reading on a stake out?
S:It’s not like I can see anything from up here!
D:What sights you are missing.
M: You know, you don’t need THOSE to fight.
D: Yeah mine get in the way sometimes.
S: You guys are not making me feel better.
(they’re obviously tlaking about breast)
M: That book is only about T+A.
D: Wow, her chest muscles are enormous.
S: Shut up, I only read it for the story!
btw, my own pet peeve in mainstream comics is not necessarily the flexing, but that only men are shown flexing or in ‘strong’ poses; even characters like Wonder Woman and She-Hulk are often constrained by decades-old ideas about how women are supposed to look/behave; though I guess they did that one cover of WW hitting the double biceps and a little girl imitating her.
I think feminine posing is somewhat defensible since everyone has grown up in this world where images of women are almost unilaterally of them in sexy poses. At least in most first world nations. People strive to match societal ideals to some degree, hence characters in a book, who are already some of the hottest women around to begin with, always posing sexy. That being said, yes, much of the time it’s overdone to an asinine degree and I will endeavor to have distinct body language among my characters. Maxima seems to like a casual hip cock when I draw her, but generally she’s got a more ‘strong’ stance. Sydney doesn’t have any of that really, neither will Peggy, Dabbler and Harem will probably borderline on the aforementioned asinine poses, Anvil wants to be sexy to play down her more masculine structure, but probably won’t be tremendously good at it. At least, that’s the plan.